A rebel without a cause

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Every parent have days when their child is defiant, challenges your authority and is plain disobedient. And I have been experiencing quite a number of days like these for the past few days.

I can't determine it is an attempt to get attention from me, or simply stems from his need to test his boundaries, he just refuses to take "No" as an answer. One days when he is a little more reasonable, he will try to reason it out with me. He reasons, provides lots of excuses, argues his point of view and when he realises that he will not be able to get his way, he ends it with a loud sigh and exclaims "Oh man…"

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During other instances when he is feeling obstinate, when I tell him to stop his misbehaviour, he will display an expression of arrogance and refute with the words, "I will still do it!" I can get a series of varying responses, ranging from argumentative to obstinate, especially when there is someone else (other than dh) present.

It's strange how he is testing his boundaries whenever there is someone else present, as he is usually well-behaved when he is with me or when we are with dh. It's like as if having that additional person around somehow gives him that license to mis-behave. It could likely be that these bad habits are picked up from school or somehow he is getting a wrong message from somewhere that it is accepted behaviour in social situations.

Reasoning, time-out and taking away priviledges has little effect on him, so I am for this method. I am sure there will be many parents out there who will frown on this method of discipline, since spanking nowadays can be considered child abuse in some countries. However my question to them will be that, is your child strong-willed and obstinate? Or have you raised a strong-willed child, who has proven him/herself to be a disciplined and well-behaved teen, all without the use of spanking as a form of discipline in their early years? Until I find someone who have proven that they have brought up a strong-willed child well without using this discipline method, then I will re-evaluate my methods of discipline.

Unlike how dh and I were disciplined by our parents in our childhood, there will be no ranting or screaming, no harsh or hurtful words, only controlled spanking and then followed by calm explanation to why he was spanked, how much he is loved, and how to keep from being spanked in the future. The use of the paddle probably needs to be tapered off when he reaches nine or so.  I don't want to reach a point of regret 10-15 years for now for not enforcing obedience in my child and have to deal the heartache of managing a disobedient and rebellious teen. If K can show such defiance and disobedience at his age, I cannot imagine how he will be like if I do not discipline him. 

That's the harsh reality of parenting, it can sometimes get painful for the child and even more so for the parent.

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it – Hebrews 12:11

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  1. You’ve voiced out what I’ve been dealing with for the past weeks!

    And the license to misbehave with others around, he’s doing that too… pushing his limits, pretending not to hear us, thinking what he does is funny, giving us a big sigh when he couldn’t get thinga his way etc etc

    parenting is soooo challenging and nerve breaking!

    I’m for the spanking. cos when words couldn’t get to him, the rob does the trick. I would rather be the bad guy who spank my boy than having him to get injure or continue with his bad behaviour.
    .-= Rachel´s last blog ..A New Phase in Life =-.
    Glad to know that I am not the only parent out there that is for the discipline method of spanking. Children this generation r so extremely challenging, I wonder if it is the food that they are taking or is it that each new generation’s intelligence usually surpasses the old? They are already trying to outsmart us at their age, cannot imagine what tricks will be up their sleeves once they reach the challenging stage of adolescence.

  2. OH, I’m in for the spanking club too, especially if he repeats his actions despite my several reasonings and explanations. I’m really scared he’d turn out to be a bad crook when he becomes adult… so spanking has to start now before too late. Although I’m not sure if it works. No method seems to work on him! Sigh!
    .-= Tin´s last blog ..4 year old tantrums =-.

    Yeah…it takes a parent to be in the same situation to understand why spanking is necessary. Spanking will work, as long as there is not loss of control; i.e., ranting. screaming. Strong willed kids need to know that there is punishment and consequences when they mis-behave…if not they will constantly test their limits and eventually became a general irritance/nuisance in public or social situations. There is no way I will let my child become a brat.

  3. I don’t believe in sparing the rod. Our rules that warrant the cane is only when she endangers herself or others. (She had a smack from me when she jumped off the chair towards the stove when she was 2?3? and another when she tried to touch ‘ob’ electrical appliances.)
    As she was a challenging toddler, i find that if I am not clear on when to use the cane, it might be everyday (like what you said, that will be a loss of control). We explore other methods when she misbehaves (for her, ‘reflection time’ works) I am thankful that the cane was only used on a few occassions. Amd till now (cross my fingers) 1-2-3 method still works!
    Yes, each child is different, we need to tailor our methods. It’s not a one size fits all.

    Good to hear that you rarely use the cane on Rae, I guess she has reached a more sensible age where she knows the consequences of her behaviour and you can reason with her.

  4. Ps. I LOVE the last photo!
    .-= kole´s last blog ..Raye- News =-.

    Thanks Kole. This was taken by the ‘non-photographer’, Kyle’s dad. Thanks to continuous shooting mode, he is pretty good with spontaneous shots :)

  5. Tona-mama says:

    Sigh.. seems like all of us are going thru the same thing?? Could it be cos school just re-opened and they are not ready to go back to school? Hence, they are acting up cos from this stress? I know my little one is. So glad that he is easing a little these few days.

    I remembered Pastor saying that when the child is young, he needs to feel pain to know what is right from wrong cos they may not be ready to reason with, altho sometimes they may seem like they are. And as they grow, we will use communications. Ps shared that this is the best way to bring up a child rather than how most Sporeans are doing it – spoil them rotten when small and start caning when they are in Primary school or older. By then, it is far too late. I believe you know what I mean and most probably have heard this too. :)

    You are a fabulous mom and what u are doing and have done is wonderful. I strongly know and believe that Kyle will grow up to be a wonderful boy and man. Well, even if we dont trust ourselves, let’s trust our Heavenly Father, He will ensure that our little ones are shaped according to His will. :)

    Thanks Tona for the affirmation. I continually need alot of wisdom from the Lord’s words; the bible, when it comes to managing and bringing up my child. Indeed we need to trust the Lord that our little ones are in His hands, and we are to be good shepherds to lead his lambs according to his will.

  6. I echo Tona, I think you’re doing a great job raising Kyle. And I’m also for spanking if bad behaviour calls for it… Thanks for the link to the great article!

    And I know this is irrelevant, but that last picture is oh so cute! :)
    .-= Jus´s last blog ..How to catch a star =-.

    Thanks Jus for your kind affirmation :)