A Mom-of-One’s take on a self-absorbed Mothers’ Day Week

For a mom-of-one, the season for craving to have another child comes along every once in a while, especially when a friend just had a baby and another just got pregnant with her second.

Looking at lovely photos of the precious little infant of a few days old with their eyes closed, looking so vulnerable tends to heighten my desire of having another child. Then I should go have another child? Don’t ever say that to me, as I might just go psycho on you. Let me correct that, I never go psycho on anyone (except my hb, and rarely on K), you will likely get a stoned-face expression from me as this is a question that I am tired of answering.

A conversation on Regina‘s Facebook status made me cry last Thursday.

Screen Shot 2013 05 02 at 5 35 35 PM

Yes, it did, Regina.

Like I couldn’t control this sadness that was overwhelming me. I would like to blame it on PMS, except that PMS already happened 1 week ago. There are some things that we tend to push it at the back of our minds as we don’t want to think about it, this is one of those things for me. Somehow it has been alot more pronounced lately.

Last night I started thinking about it again, as I was contemplating if I should come public with this on my blog. Drenching my pillow with my wet tears, while at the same time, admonishing myself “You stupid over-emotional woman, cry for what. Forget about this thought, I am sure God has His reasons for you not having another child. You are not meant to be a mom-of-more-than-one. You are meant to do something else with your life, and stay as a Mom-of-one. Get it?” Yeah. Like what. I still haven’t found an answer to that.

Maybe it’s because its Mother’s Day soon, and I am just too self-focused. Mothers’ Day is not just about me, it about my mom (with 3 kids btw), and my grandmothers (who all had more than 5 kids at each side) and the majority of moms in the world with more than 1 child :( :( :(

Just have to forget Mothers’ Day for a moment.

And think about why I am being an over-emotional mom. The emo-feeling has been alot more pronounced this year likely because this is K’s last year into pre-school and he will be going to Primary 1 next year. And I don’t want Primary 1 to happen. But it is going happen, whether I like it or not. I often catch myself looking at K with this wistful look in my eye, with the same words run through my head, like a broken recorder, begging, “Please don’t grow up so fast.” And it gets worse when my thought start to wonder, “I wonder how K’s brother or sister will look like, I think he/she will be just as endearing as this little guy.” Then the rational woman in me, will go, “I think its better that you stop over-thinking, as it will never happen.”

I don’t know if this sort of things happens to moms with more 1 child. But as a mom-of-1, I always tell myself that I will make a lousy mom-of-2 or more, as I will be too overwhelmed with having to take care of two kids. But who am I kidding? It’s just sour grapes speaking here. If I was privilege enough to have another child, God will make it possible for me to manage parenting more than 1 child.

As the week of Mothers’ Day comes around. If you are a mom with one child, a mom with many kids, dwell and appreciate this great blessing to have children and an even greater privilege to shepherd them. So do not reflect on the ‘could-have, would-have, should-have’ moments that u regret making when it comes to having more than one child. Maybe is a good time also to think about your priorities as a mom to your kids?

As for this mom-of-one, I should just start making a point to a better mom and make sure that every second I spend with K really counts, and stop wasting my mom-time. After all, I still might have some time left over to make this world a better place for all. Right.

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  1. What a sweet message. I’m sure you are an excellent mom to Kyle.
    Dominique Goh´s last blog post ..Hapari Swimwear Giveaway- (US) ends 21st May

  2. Whether you have one child or more, it really doesn’t matter because you have already been blessed with a miracle – some wait their entire lives to for a miracle but it never came.

    Don’t think of what you don’t have, cos I believe you can find it all in Kyle. When he has his own family, make him have a lot of children!! 😉
    Mabel´s last blog post ..What’s in My Bag?

  3. Rach… you know that status update? People would think that it would be posted by a mom of many, and not by a mom-of-one.

    While it may be that we whine and gripe about the current state of things in Singapore, and how challenging it may be for us to have more than one kid, I think that for many moms of one, like ourselves, there is a (not so secret) desire to perhaps have one more to complete the equation.

    Want, yes. Need, yes. But when it comes down to it, it’s easier said and thought of than done, yes?

    I would like C to grow up with a sibling to share things with. I would love him to be able to gang up with his brother / sister against the mom and pops (who are so OLD they just don’t understand!!). I’m not closing that option… although at a year to 40, people would think I’m nuts.

    Not because of peer pressure, mind. But because, perhaps – to make it easier, even is much better than an odd number?

    Dowan sad, ok? I can’t profess to know you inside out (there is that little bit of yourself that you reserve only for yourself), but I know this. As emo as you can be, if there was an opportunity to have another, you will be a great mom x 2. After all. that’s what motherhood is all about, ya? A combination of tears, joy, screams, hugs, and pain, enveloped in a healthy dollop of immeasurable love. That’s the gist of ’emotions’, is it not?
    Regina´s last blog post ..Motivation, or Comparison?

  4. Dear Rachel,
    I can understand how you feel. Don’t be sad. Occasionally, I have that feeling too when I heard that someone is expecting or a friend has given birth. But when I think of those sleepless nights of feeding a baby, I tell myself, “No, one is enough for me. I can’t handle two.”

    Cheer up, okay?
    Emily´s last blog post ..A Tribute to My Mother for Mother’s Day

  5. Rachel~ *hug hug* I am still telling myself that I WILL BE a bad parent if I have another child haha~ Sometimes I tell myself “what if my #2 or #3 is not as handsome or pretty as my #1? Better don’t take the chance.” hahha~ ok me a bit kuku here.

    Don’t worry, you’ll have more exciting things to do with K when he is in P1, trust me! I’m still trying to grasp and adapt to his schedule. And I haven’t even stepped into his school work department (Thank god for his student care teachers!)

    And ya, I am going to do what Mabel suggested, make DinoBoy have many many children so that I can play with them hahaha~
    DinoMama´s last blog post ..Screen Free Week Challenge Day #3 to #7

  6. That’s just what mummies do. To make every second count. And K is the product of those thousands of seconds! big hugs!!
    Mum’s the word´s last blog post ..Therapy 101– Going public

  7. Heartfelt post. HUGS. :)
    Kless´s last blog post ..What’s In My Bag?

  8. To each his own… Rachel. No need to feel bad about having 1 kid and don’t doubt for a second, you may not be a good mother if you have 2 or more kids. Because circumstances will change you as you go along. :) *hugs* It’s just one of those emo days. Cheer up ok?
    Adeline´s last blog post ..Sure! I’d Love A Mother’s Day Gift!

  9. Everything happens for a good reason and the time might not have arrive just yet.

    whether with one or many, that’s a number. what really counts is the moments spent and memories created. the blessing with what we are given and have. just like what you said, make every second counts – that’s what really matters. :) *hugz*
    Rachel´s last blog post ..Baking Hokkaido Chiffon Cake

  10. Mother of 2 here, and yes it does gets overwhelming and there are times, many times, when I think to myself just what did I get myself into?! But a mother is still a mother regardless the number of children, so once in a while these thoughts might surface, but take heart, you’re a great mother to the child you have now. :)
    qiu xian´s last blog post ..Healing time

  11. Your post resonates strongly with me…being childless for almost 10 years after marriage, suffering multiple painful child-losses to finally having a daughter to call our own has been an upheaval roller-coaster emotional ride. Just when we thought our lives couldn’t be more perfect, the baby who has grown up too fast starts to crave for the company of a sibling which she sees her little friends have…Yes my heart bleeds each time she makes that innocent request of which I know I can’t fulfill…I weep too when I hear of friends who are ‘accidentally’ pregnant and have no intention to keep the child. Each time I find myself longing for another baby, I whisper a prayer to God…if God deems fit, He will give. In life, there are seasons – seasons of barrenness and seasons of harvest. And to those who are given more, more is expected. Don’t ever for a moment, belittle yourself and think that you won’t be a good Mom of 2. We have different destinies ordained by the Creator; He only asked us to trust and obey. I hope you’ll find joy in your close bond with K and you’ll build your esteem not in the number of kids you have but in that with this one child you are given, you raised him up well in ways that glorify and please the Lord. That is my own personal prayer too. Big hugs to you Rach!
    Angie´s last blog post ..10 Fav Free Mothers’ Day Printables

  12. As a mom of three, I have my moments when I get so tired of being wanted all the time, that I entertain the thought of, “if I only had 1 child.” But I can never decide which of my 3 would be my “only child,” because they’re all so special in their own ways!

    Is this a “run in the family” thing that we tend to get emo over such stuff? *sniffle*
    Chrystal Lee´s last blog post ..Change Happens Today!

  13. Hugs, Rach. Some people wait all their lives and can’t have a kid. Some people get rid of kids only to regret later. Some people are destined to be mums of multiple children, while others are content to just have one. I know what you mean by that desire to have #2, that was why I got pregnant again in the first place.

    One thing I can assure you, while love multiplies, time really divides. Ever since the lil came along, I realise I have much less time for the elder one. I do less crafts, I read less, I play less, goodness I even hug and kiss less than the a thousand times a day I used to. It tugs at my heart every time I think about this and the guilt inevitable sets in. What have I sacrificed just to give her a sibling? There are things about being a mom-of-one that will never return. Yes, while I fully embrace having two girls in my life now, I’m just saying that being a mom-of-one is a blessing too.

    So cheer up, Rach. I’m sure K will know what an awesome mom he has and do cherish every phase of his growing up.
    Summer´s last blog post ..heART Studio Review II : How do you draw using a chopstick?

  14. No need to b sad! We’re not defined by the number of children we have. We’re blessed with offspring and are entrusted with the responsibility of caring for them the best we can. Having one just means you can devote ALL your time and effort to K. Why should that not be the best thing ever? :)
    Adora´s last blog post ..I’m Just a Regular Mum