The problem with pain

I have been thinking alot about my journey of life the past couple of weeks.

Life for me, is categorised into the different feelings that I experienced through this journey thus far. The joyful moments, the triumphant moments and the poignant moments. There are probably many other feelings in between, but it is kind of hard to express all of it in words.

I have recorded so much of the joyful and triumphant moments.in this blog, alot of it revolving around my role as a mother, but how about the poignant moments? I used to not want to talk about it at all in my blog, as I felt that all I want to remember the happy and memorable memories, and not the poignant ones. It is so typical of me to go through life in the hectic-ness of, to brush away poignant feelings, thinking that it is not worth remembering…and to say to myself "move along, nothing to look at."

The poignant state that I am in at this point in my life seems to be hovering in a state of suspension.

Is pain really a necessity in our lives? Unfortunately it is. Why? Only with pain can we realise how wretched we are, and how we can't go through life alone. I can't put it as aptly as C.S Lewis on why pain is necessary in our lives.

From The Problem of Pain, by C.S. Lewis :

"If the first and lowest operation of pain shatters the illusion that all is well, the second shatters the illusion that what we have, whether good or bad in itself, is our own and enough for us.  Everyone has noticed how hard it is to turn our thoughts to God when everything is going well with us.   We 'have all we want' is a terrible saying when 'all' does not include God.  We find God an interruption.  As St Augustine says somewhere, 'God wants to give us something, but cannot, because our hands are full – there's nowhere for Him to put it.'  Or as a friend of mine said, 'We regard God as an airman regards his parachute;  it's there for emergencies but he hopes he'll never have to use it.'  Now God, who has made us, knows what we are and that our happiness lies in Him.  Yet we will not seek it in Him as long as He leaves us any other resort where it can even plausibly be looked for.  While what we call 'our own life' remains agreeable we will not surrender it to Him.  What then can God do in our interests but make 'our own life' less agreeable to us, and take away the plausible source of false happiness?  It is just here, where God's providence seems at first to be most cruel, that the Divine humility, the stooping down from the Highest, most deserves praise.  We are perplexed to see misfortune falling upon decent, inoffensive, worthy people – on capable, hard-working mothers of families or diligent, thrifty little tradespeople, on those who have worked so hard, and so honestly, for their modest stock of happiness and now seem to be entering on the enjoyment of it with the fullest right."

"Let me implore the reader to try to believe, if only for the moment, that God, who made these deserving people, may really be right when He thinks that their modest prosperity and the happiness of their children are not enough to make them blessed:  that all this must fall from them in the end, and that if they have not learned to know Him they will be wretched.  And therefore He troubles them, warning them in advance of an insufficiency that one day they will have to discover.  The life to themselves and their families stands between them and the recognition of their need; He makes that life less sweet to them.  I call this a Divine humility because it is a poor thing to strike our colours to God when the ship is going down under us; a poor thing to come to Him as a last resort, to offer up 'our own' when it is no longer worth keeping.  If God were proud He would hardly have us on such terms:  but He is not proud, He stoops to conquer, He will have us even though we have shown that we prefer everything else to Him, and come to Him because there is 'nothing better' now to be had.  The same humility is shown by all those Divine appeals to our fears which trouble high-minded readers of Scripture.  It is hardly complimentary to God that we should choose Him as an alternative to Hell:  yet even this He accepts.  The creature's illusion of self-sufficiency must, for the creature's sake, be shattered; and by trouble or fear of trouble on earth, by crude fear of the eternal flames, God shatters it 'unmindful of His glory's diminution'."

No Comments by Rachel on February 6, 2012
filed in Christianity, Experiences
tagged ,

For us all

It was a moving marriage ceremony. A special day for a long time friend, whom I recently got in touch with.

Somehow, the memory our times when we were 17 years old never really left my mind.

Our lives intertwined for a brief moment many years ago, then we went our separate ways. And here we are now, fast forward 15 years.

The intertwining of our lives once again brings me joy knowing that God has blessed her with a loving husband, and the peace knowing for certain that she has surrendered her life to our Lord Jesus Christ as her Saviour.

Her story about how she met God is a stirring one. In 2008, she went to Israel with a church group as a non-believer, to take in the sights and history of the country. It was all a leisure trip to her until the day she was brought to the Upper Room by the church members. When asked if she wanted to have a baptism in the room, in her playfulness, not understanding the symbolism or meaning of a baptism, she indicated her interest. When the church leader prayed over her, she just lost control, fell to her knees, cried, and cried and cried…

What did she feel at that moment? Only she would know really. I know that in her own words to me, since then moment, life has never been the same.

I don't think it will be the same again for any other person that encountered God the way she did, in the very place that Christ had His supper with His apostles the evening of His cruxification at the cross.

Seeing her this morning, looking so radiant and resplendent in her bridal gown. I see the joy and the peace of God in her and it reminds me how wonderful a heavenly Father I serve. He promised never to leave or forsake us at every step of our life journey, all we need is to surrender our lives and trust in what our saviour Jesus has done for us at the cross of calvary. All we have to do is to surrender and seek Him, that's how wondrous yet simple the gospel of Christ is.

Just this year, I finally found my life verse in the bible…actually I am more greedy, I don't really have it as a life verse, as it is more like a chapter with all 38 verses in it :) It's from Romans 8

What's even more meaningful at her wedding was that she chose the song that I have been listening quite often to, since I discovered it beginning of this year. She told me that she haven't been able to find that march in song for more than 1 month. Somehow I just thought that this song might just for them.

YouTube Preview Image

A song written and sung by Kari Jobe that was inspired by this verse from Romans 8.

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?

Romans 8:31-32

No Comments by Rachel on February 4, 2012
filed in Christianity, Musings

Waiting

I absolutely hate to wait.

Yes, I tend to be an impatient person. I prefer to take things into my own hands, to my own peril at times, and thinking that I have done all I can that whatever that needs to be done is done efficiently and effectively (self-perceived).

Now I am in that state of waiting, waiting for the next step to take, next move to make. All I am hearing is the word WAIT.

I think waiting on the Lord, is the toughest spiritual discipline to do.

I know spending that waiting time in His presence, seeking His face, speaking to Him is not wasted.

If you are like me at this moment of your life, waiting on God to tell you what is the next step to take, read this poem. Hope it will give you some clarity (it did for me) why sometimes He makes us wait.

WAIT

Desparately, helplessly, longingly, I cried:

Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.

I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,

And the Master so gently said, "Child, you must wait."

"Wait? You say, wait!" my indignant reply.

"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!

Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?

By faith, I have asked, and am claiming your Word.

My future and all to which I can relate

hangs in the balance, and YOU tell me to WAIT?

I'm needing a 'yes', go-ahead and sign,

or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

And Lord, You promised that if we believe

we need but to ask, and we shall recieve.

And Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:

I'm weary of asking! I need a reply!

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate

As my Master repied once again, "You must wait."

So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taught

and grumbling to God, "So, I'm waiting… for what?"

He seemed, then, to kneel, and His eyes wept with mine,

And he tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.

I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.

I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.

All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.

You would have what you want–But, you wouldn't know Me.

You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint;

You'd not know the power that I give to the faint;

You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;

You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there;

You'd not know the joy of resting in Me

When darkness and silence were all you could see.

You'd never experience that fullness of love

As the peace of My Spirit decends like a dove;

You'd know that I give and I save… (for a start),

But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

The glow of My comfort late into the night,

The faith that I give when you walk without sight,

The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked

Of the infinte God, who makes what you have LAST.

You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,

What it means that "My grace is sufficient for Thee."

Yes, your dreams for your loved one overnight would come true,

But, Oh, the Loss! If I lost what I'm doing in you!

So, be silent, My Child, and in time you will see

That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.

And though oft' My answers seem terribly late,

My most precious answer is still, "WAIT."

Author Unknown

1 Comment by Rachel on February 3, 2012
filed in Christianity, Musings

Into 2012…

Into January, so how has 2012 been so far? One world 'Tumultuous'.

But I thank God for His grace, His strength and embrace. Cos without Him, I truly cannot.

There will be some mountains to climb this year, as I am walking through a different season of my life, a new season of faith in Him. After a long and trying time of learning to finally let go, God is calling to step out in new circles and adventures.

It takes faith to walk out again, but this time, it's different, I am not the same person. Faith has rebuilt my heart. I feel the joy of His goodness and I know He is strong enough to carry me through.

If there is a soul resolution that I will make this year, the word will be 'SURRENDER'.

1 Comment by Rachel on January 18, 2012
filed in Christianity, Musings

Welcome 2012!

2012 will be my family's year of the Jubilee.

 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD,

“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

 

I hope 2012 will be a good one for you too. Happy New Year!

3 Comments by Rachel on January 1, 2012
filed in Uncategorized

A ship, water and loads of ice cream

We took a short cruise to Malaysia the last 2 days and it was tremendous fun for the boy.Apart from the thrill of a stayover on a cruise ship, he had fun with the activities on board the ship, enjoyed ice cream during late hours in the night and was able to stay up late for both nights.

It was a kind of a finale to the end of the school holidays for him, since school is commencing in less then a week. For hb and I, we appreciated the family time we spent together.

No Comments by Rachel on December 30, 2011
filed in Experiences, Family

Redeeming the time

I had an epiphany last night.

While being trapped in the middle of the bed, between the man and boy in my life, and staring at the ceiling in total darkness. It was another night with too much on my mind, and the uncomfortable position of being sandwiched by the 2 boys really did not help to lull me to sleep.

It was a post Christmas + pre-new year night that got me overwhelmed by the thought that the year was ending soon and we were entering into another new year. Throughout the whole year I have been lamenting that time is passing too quickly, my kid is growing up too fast and everyday is the same for me; there is simply not enough time in a day. While I was dwelling about the lost time and how I wish time doesn't go by so quickly, I heard this quiet still voice in my spirit, "I am eternal. I stand outside the confines of time, Why are you lamenting about the time?"

Unlike men, God is eternal and sovereign of time. And He is not confined to the 24 hours in a day, and the certain number of days that He has given us. With God, one day is as a thousand years and thousand years as a day (1 Timothy 1:17; 2 Peter 3:8)

This verse came to my mind as I heard the small quiet voice

Ephesians 5.16: 'Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.'

What do I hear God saying to me here? Does redeeming the time means I should be more efficient, work more quickly, or be better organised? Or does it mean that time spent without a result yield or accomplishing something tangible is wasted time?

The bible teaches that we need to be good stewards of our time given on this earth, however we need to be careful and not fall into a utilitarian mindset where performance and accomplishments is the all-important goal. When we start to have this mindset about time, we lose the capacity to simply enjoy God, people, and the life God has given us.

As I get older, I feel the urgency of time pressing down on me.

Before we go into the new year, I want to take stock of how I can be a good steward of the time that God has given me :

- Stewardship of time means giving God first priority. I cannot be too busy not to spend time in God's word daily, learn to be wise by understanding what God's will is, taking the time for meditation in God's word, time alone with my heavenly Father. Time to rest and renew my mind and strength.

- Stewardship of my time means setting aside time to be with the ones that I love most on this earth. So many of us tend to get caught up in the busy-ness of life, that all encounters with friends and even loved ones are so fleeting. I need to make this commitment to spend the time needed to pause, linger around for a longer while and develop deep relationships with loved ones and friends.

- Stewardship of my time means making use of my gifts and talents. I am still discovering what exactly are my gifts and talents that God has equipped me with. My prayer for this coming year is for the Lord to show me what they are, who will benefit from it (really goes beyond just earning some money or a salary from it) and how I can use them for God's kingdom.

I guess this is not the typical resolution setting post for the new year, but a time where I can take stock of where I am in life and remind myself; who God is, who am I in this life, together with how my relationships and talents should be managed with the time He has given me.

Studying 1 Peter the past few weeks have reminded me that I must understand who I am really as a Christian. I am a child of God and a citizen of heaven who is a sojourner to this earth. Everything in this world is designed to get us to make life in this world our ultimate aim, but I should not live my life simply as an earth dweller who search for his/her meaning and purpose in life from this world alone.

It means adopting and maintaining this new attitude toward my time on earth and what I do with my life. It means surrendering all to God and saying, "You are my God, all my time is in your hands." It is time to redeem my time here and use it to the best that God has ordained it for me.

I will move ahead to the new year with courage and hope, living one day at a time.

I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I know Who holds tomorrow and Who holds my hand in this journey

No Comments by Rachel on December 30, 2011
filed in Christianity, Musings
tagged

A Christmas list of handmades

It's been all about handmades this Christmas.

It started with crazily crafting for fund raising for the Children's Hunger Fund. Incidentally, I got an email from the people from the organisation, that a total of USD$835.00 was raised from Singapore! About 40% was raised from our sale of handmades, while the rest were from direct donations online. This is not a huge amount, but I consider it an achievement since Children's Hunger Fund had little or no awareness from this side of our world. This amount roughly translates to 16,700 additional meals for the hungry children! Every little effort to help was indeed significant!

My appreciation goes out to all the blogging moms friends (you know who u are smiley) who have helped to create the awareness needed for this fund amongst their friends and contacts. As well as fellow crafting friends, Pauline, Lena and Rachel, who spent so much of their time to painstaking make the handmades needed to raise the funds. Thanks once again for your time and effort, ladies!

Despite not being in a celebratory mood during Christmas, I still rejoiced…knowing that we were able to make a difference to someone else's life this year. And how about repeating this for Christmas next year, ladies? 

As for personal handmade gifts, since Christmas presents have all been opened, it now safe for me to post this without spoiling any fun for anyone.

I spent another 2 weeks, post Children's Hunger Fund-raising crafting…to make these items for family, friends and for myself cheeky

Kokeshi dolls on magnets

 

'Houses' – Needle felted on linen zipper pouch

 

'Greetings' – Needle felted + embroidery on a linen zipper pouch

 

'Matryoshkas' : on a cotton zipper pouch for myself!

I made matryoshkas hairclips for my friends' daughters, and each of my friends got a matryoshka brooch in a different shade.

 

'Snap' – Needle felted on a small linen pouch for myself, the self appointed family photographer

I am really enjoying needle-felting, so I will be making a couple more small zipper pouches for my friends, each with a personalised picture on the pouch. 

I hope to be making more handmades in the coming year, possibly considering to peddle them on my personalised etsy shop…will have to depend on how much time I have on hand, just have see how things pan out.

No Comments by Rachel on December 27, 2011
filed in Hand-made, Occasion

Our Christmas

This year's Christmas was a little different.

It started with me totally not in the mood for merry-making, feasting or parties. And the ultimate mood dampener, was this; I found out about 2 years ago from WIKIPEDIA that December 25, wasn't even the actual day that Jesus was born, and the date and symbols used in Christmas (like the Christmas tree) all have pagan origins. Fabulous, All of that, together with the frantic consumerism during Christmas and don't get me started on Santa Claus…

So this year, there was no Christmas tree at home. Which I was rather pleased about anyhow. I used to enjoy putting up the tree and hanging up the ornaments, but hated taking down the tree. So I skipped the hassle and concentrated on the presents.

I thought this comic strip from Calvin & the Hobbes put it ever so aptly.

Christmas is really not about Christmas trees, mistle-toe, Santa Clauses, or even the presents.

However, we still practiced gift-giving during this season, as it is a way to show our love for our family and friends, to demonstrate our appreciation for them in our lives.

I am like the most boring gift giver ever when it comes to Christmas. Generally, I think getting gifts for friends or family is extremely hard. It was worse in the past when I was not able to do any handmades. It got easier getting gifts for the ladies in the gifting list, as almost all the ladies in the list got a handmade. The guys in my list got books, all except hb. There was no present for hb this year, and he did not get me a present either, as the both of us have the same attitude towards the consumerism of Christmas.

Traditionally with my extended family, we celebrate Christmas with a family dinner and gift exchange. Incidentally, Christmas eve is my mom's birthday, so Dec 24 becomes a 'double celebration' of sorts. 

For Kyle, it is an exciting time for him, Despite knowing about the significance of Jesus' birth during Christmas about 2000 years ago. He's like Calvin from 'Calvin and the Hobbes', it is still fundamentally about the presents.

Nonetheless, the more significant memories which I am sure he will always remember about Christmas time, are meeting with his friends (actually, mommy's friends' kids, who has also become his friends).

He thoroughly enjoys their company and talks about playing with them for the next couple of days. Which reminds me that gatherings like these should be organised more often, without needing any specific occasion for a reason to meet up.

What's still the same for us is that, Christmas is all about the love of God for humanity,

It is all about Jesus really. No matter what I think of the commercialism and paganism that surround this holiday season, we cannot deny the love of God that was demonstrated in His coming through Jesus. For we are the reason, that God from Heaven came and live on Earth so men from Earth can make the choice to have eternal life in Heaven.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son,

that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. – John 3:16

I am now thinking of a way to make Chinese New Year a bit different for the coming year. Seriously, I have never been a fan of festivities. Maybe I will just have to find somewhere soon where the 3 of us can 'disappear to'…

No Comments by Rachel on December 26, 2011
filed in Family, Musings, Occasion

Another first

Time is passing unbelievably fast. We are into the last 3 weeks of the school holidays and last weeks of 2011. I can hardly believe that we are going into 2012 in less than 3 weeks, and Kyle will be going into K1.

If I had a choice, I wish that my child don't grow up so fast. He is slowly losing his cherubic babyish looks, he lost his baby-smells many months back and is too quickly growing into an often sweaty and not so nice-smelling mischievous boy :(  

He still has his endearing personality, when I told him that I hope that he will not grow up so quickly, he said; 

"Mommy, I tell you something"

"I tell you what. I grow taller but I don't grow older ok, I will still be 4 years old for my next birthday…"

Aww…actually I would prefer that he doesn't grow taller or older, and will always remain my little baby boy.

I think he still can't wait to grow up quickly. He is always asking when he will be able to sit all the rides at Universal Studios, grow taller and stronger so he can hit golf balls much further.

We brought him to the driving range for the first time recently, and he is really enjoying the game and turning out to be quite a natural at the sport. I think his interest for golf plays a huge role in his quick progress in learning how to play golf.

http://www.vimeo.com/33489042

After all of 90 balls and a little blister on his finger (after hitting too many balls and gripping the club a little too hard), he is looking all sweaty, rosy-cheeked and happy from his first experience at the range.

1 Comment by Rachel on December 12, 2011
filed in Experiences, Growing up, Kyle's World
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