Category Archives: Hope & Inspiration

A Glass Half Empty or Half Full?

Posted on by
36

There are plenty of heartbreaks, distractions, disappointments and challenges that often make their way into our lives every once in a while.

Life isn’t easy.

Some of us may have it a little easier than the rest, while others often have it really rough.

Often, bad things can happen anyone. We don’t have control of many of these things that happen to us, however, we have control over how we respond to our trial.

So when you look at this glass of water, do you see a glass that is half empty or half full?

TnT 7

I sold my home in Sept 2011. At first hb and I though our family could be comfortable in a new place for some time before settling down longer term in another home. But to reduce household commitments, and allow the chance for me to give a shot at my ‘dreams’, we went on to stay with my mom for close to 7 months and finally settled down in a new place in the east. A new room to be accurate, as my family shares common areas with 2 other ladies who live under the same roof.

If I choose to see my life like a glass half empty, this is what I will see…

- An old, dim and dreary flight of stairs leading to the house that I have been staying in for the past 3 weeks. The flight of steps leading to the house always have puddles of what K thinks is cat urine.

TnT 1

- Common areas in the house consisting of two sofas, which is covered with a mishmash of recycled printed bedsheets and cardboard box,

TnT 15

- this rusty old deckchair (which I think belongs to a junkyard) is the only thing I can sit on if I want to sun myself or read a book in the balcony.

TnT 4

- TV channels like TCS 5 and 8 are non-existent in the room that my family stays in, and what about cable? If we want cable TV channels, we need to fork out $2000.00 just to get a new antenna fixed for the house.

TnT 5

- Bed for hb comes in the form of a mattress, which will be propped against the wall in the day when he goes to work.

This used to be the mattress that I slept in when we stayed at my mom’s house the last 7 months. So hb and I don’t share a bed, and we have an additional room mate who is the biggest and noisiest ‘lamp-post’ who sleeps in the same bed as I do. Can someone remind me what does the word intimacy means?

TnT 9

- What we use daily is stored in this wardrobe with 3 doors. The greatest trial a reformed clothes-horse can experience is to have minimal space for her own clothes.

TnT 12

- K has his personal space sandwiched between the bed we sleep on and his toys stored in wooden trolley/shelf. I only have my work space on the study table between 9am-5pm on weekdays, no other personal space in the room for all other hours in the day, except for my side of the queen sized bed.

TnT 10

TnT 11

- Going the loo does make me a little nervous sometimes, especially when I forget to put down the lid for the toilet bowl, or when I discover that K has left some ‘skid marks’ in the toilet bowl or the sides of the bathtub, when he tries to climb over the bathtub to wash himself.

TnT 13

TnT 14

-  After I take my bath, I will scan the bathroom thoroughly to make sure that I pick up every strand of hair that I can spot on the floor or in the bathtub. I drop hair like crazy, so i have to ensure that I don’t have strands of hair all over the sink / floor of the bathroom.

Has this new arrangement been stressful? Initially.

How long will my family have to live here? I have no idea. Maybe things will change in the next 5-6 years. Well, if it doesn’t, I will be sharing a room with my teenage son.

Pondering over this things from a real but negative perspective sure doesn’t make me too joyful about the present state of the arrangements at home.

But It is really isn’t all bad when I choose to see a different perspective to my present situation.

Living in a room reminds me of my carefree days in university, where I rented a room and had to live with 5 other people in the same house. The only difference is that I now have my hb and our 5 year old staying in the room together and my landlady who lives in the same house as we do, is hb’s auntie.

Auntie A is a wonderful person to stay with, she is kind, considerate, loving and adores K to bits. So K now has an additional ‘grandma’. K loves her company and has been staying up late (even on weekdays) to want to wait for Auntie A and chat with her before she sleeps :)

TnT 3

We have another house mate that stays in the same house, a china-born lady who has been staying with Auntie A for close to 6 months. She works really long hours, or when she is not at work, stays in the room most of the time and hardly ever eats (I hardly ever see her eat). She is not exactly the neatest person, so the little ‘rules’ that Auntie A puts in the bathroom, ensures that the common areas are kept clean and pleasant for everyone in the house.

Auntie A is a cat lover, and the cardboard and recycled bedsheets that are placed on the sofa is for Pat the cat, to ensure it doesn’t destroy the upholstery on the coach. Pat is my companion in the day when I work at home, so it does not get lonely in the day.

TnT 16

There is a part time cleaner that comes weekly to clean up the common areas in the house, so the only housework I regularly do is to wash and iron hb, k’s and my clothes, cook once in a while, and keep our room clean and tidy. So really not having a whole house of my own is actually a good thing, considering I have been having domestic help since I was 12, and I don’t like doing household chores.

Even though I don’t own a house, have to stay with 2 other people (not part of my family unit) and have my family squeeze in a little room together. I still call this place my home.

I am so thankful that the 3 of us have a proper roof over our head, pay 40% less rental than the market rate and our home is located in a very convenient area in the east. There are plenty of amenities opposite to the estate, which includes cafes, restaurants, clinics, coffee shops, a supermarket and a convenience store. And it is just a stone’s throw away from Katong and Joo Chiat areas, so we never have to worry about not knowing where to go on the weekends whenever we want to eat out.

Besides, we get sea breezes from our room’s window anytime of the day and even get to see the sun rise in the mornings.

TnT 17

What does the future hold for my family? I really don’t know, and I probably can’t tell you when will I ever get a place that I will be able to call my own.

My family’s trial has given me plenty of opportunities to teach K, that it doesn’t matter that we don’t have our own house. We still have a home. What matters are that we are together as a family, will never stop supporting and loving one another, regardless of the circumstance.

Many of you may have experienced or are still experiencing various trials and tribulations that are likely be more dramatic, heartbreaking and challenging. How have these tnt changed or moulded you into the person you have become and what life lessons has it taught you along the way?

Do link up and share your TnT stories in your blog!

 



 

Share it:

Astonishing Facts from the Bible about Christmas

Posted on by
2

Screen Shot 2012 12 21 at 4 06 41 PMBy Adam Foster, Flickr

As we approach Christmas this year, here’s a couple of astonishing facts from the bible about Christmas :-

1. When was Jesus’ born?

December 25th is an incorrect date for Jesus’ birth. Not in winter for sure. No Roman administrator will allow a census to be taken when the roads are impassable, and when the people then don’t travel in winter.

From Luke 2:8, the angel first appeared to the shepherds in the fields to announce the birth of Jesus, ‘Now there were in the same country shepherds living out in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night.‘ The winter period in Bethlehem is quite chilly, thus no sensible shepherds will want to hang out with their sheep in the cold and wet fields.

Bible scholars put the Gematria date closer to 20 September (yeah! That’s like 3 days after my birthday).

So how did the December 25th date came about?

The date of December 25th was known as the Roman Saturnalia (in honor of the Roman’s god Saturn) and it was the greatest of all pagan festivals. Although Saturnalia may be of Roman origin, the ancient Babylonians also celebrated the feast of the son of Isis (goddess of nature) on December 25. Their celebrations on this day were complete with boisterous celebration, gluttonous eating and drinking, and gift-giving as part of the traditions.

Sounds familiar doesn’t it?

 

2. Christmas Tree

Screen Shot 2012 12 21 at 3 53 16 PMMerry Christmas! by Alina Curten

The word Christmas itself is not mentioned in the Bible. The only tree that is decorated with silver and gold in the bible is here;

For the customs of the peoples are futile;
For one cuts a tree from the forest,
The work of the hands of the workman, with the ax.
4 They decorate it with silver and gold;
They fasten it with nails and hammers
So that it will not topple. – Jeremiah 10:3-4

Who said these words? The text before this sentence started with ‘Thus say the Lord…’ Probably some might argue that God this passage was addressed to the Israelites and not the Gentiles (all other races who are not Jewish).

I am not disdaining the use of a Christmas tree during Christmas, which I think many enjoy the nostalgia and the tradition of putting up decorations on the tree as an annual family activity.  Having a Christmas Tree in a home is a personal choice, and since I have discovered the roots of the Christmas tree almost 2 years ago, I have stopped putting up a tree at home.

 

3. The Three Wise Men

See these Three Wise Men in this familiar nativity scene,

Screen Shot 2012 12 21 at 3 58 12 PM

The fact is that The Three Wise Men were never mentioned in the bible in the story of Jesus’ birth, as there was no wise men present at the manger scene the night Jesus was born. The shepherds were the one who saw baby Jesus in the manger. The Three Wise Men only showed up later in a house when Jesus was a young child.

This passage from Matthew shows when the Wise Men came to visit the child Jesus and Mary;

And when they had come into the house, they saw the young Child with Mary His mother, and fell down and worshiped Him. And when they had opened their treasures, they presented gifts to Him: gold, frankincense, and myrrh. – Matthew 2:11


4. Gift Giving

Most people associate gift-giving with the wise men, as they presented their gifts to baby Jesus. That practice of gift giving is another of pagan origins, it was part of a “good luck” exchange during Roman Saturnalia celebrations. The rich gave gifts to the poor in honor of the “age of liberty when god Saturn ruled the known world.”

Screen Shot 2012 12 21 at 4 04 43 PMBy top10things Flickr CC

For the last few Christmas-es, gift giving has been more of an extended family tradition activity for me, reserved for extended family members and children. It has also become more reciprocal for close friends who give me presents.

When I finally do become a grandma, I will set a new tradition that gift giving will not be necessary during Christmas, and will only be reserved for the children in my family. I will also introduce the practice of reading the Christmas story from Luke 2 and Matthew 2, singing and listening to Christmas carols as part of our family tradition.

What’s a TRUE Christmas?

I hate to be a wet blanket. But it is hard to deny that Christmas with its pagan influences have been commercialized through the ages.

Sounds like I am responding with “Bah Humbug Christmas!” very much like Scrooge from the Charles Dicken’s story of ‘The Christmas Carol.’

Christmas for me is really not about the lights, celebrations, food or presents.

The TRUE Christmas story is how God humbled Himself and walked into this world. Suddenly and surprisingly, born on a dirty floor of a filthy stable. Small, insignificant, unable to feed Himself. Love came down from heaven.

God came down through Jesus Christ to bring us peace with Him.

Screen Shot 2012 12 21 at 5 46 27 PM

“Glory to God in the the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom His favor rests.” Luke 2:14

God first brings peace between man and God, through Jesus Christ. And in turn we show that peace towards fellow men, in the same love that Christ gives us.

Blessed Christmas friends. May this Christmas surround you with love, and most importantly, bring you peace with God, through repentance and salvation through Jesus Christ.

True peace is when we know that our eternal salvation is secured through Christ.

Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. – John 14:27

 

 

Share it:

Hope in Sadness

Posted on by
7

Just imagine, picture your little one. Picture helping your child get to school one morning, it is a regular day, just like any there day. You help to dress him/her up, prepare the tooth brush at the sink, then make sure things are packed in the school bag.

You bring your child downstairs to take the school bus, hearing the little chatter and laughter as he gets on the bus, you hug your little one and tell him, “Bye! Enjoy your day at school!” You take the lift back home, walk into your kitchen and have your breakfast while reading the papers.

1 hour later. A phone rings, and the policeman on the other line tells you something happened at school and you need to make your way there asap. Your heart beats rapidly, not knowing what to expect, but you quickly make your way down to your child’s school.

As you get to the school, you see the throngs of cars and police cars parked outside the school. Many parents walking around, some teary, others with eyes wild with fear, many screaming at the policemen at the scene for answers. You see a policeman, and you ask, “What happened? Is my child ok?” Policeman tells you he doesn’t know yet and walk away. You try to get into the school, but the policemen outside tell you to wait.

After a hour of what feels like eternity, a policeman walk towards you, ask you for your name. He looks at his list and a look of empathy crosses his face, your heart drops when you see his expression. “This can’t be happening…what has happened to my baby. Please let this be a nightmare, please I have to wake up!”

And all you can think of at that moment is – My baby is gone. He is gone! He will not be home after school, you don’t have to worry about what he is going to eat today, or what time he is going to bed tonight. You will never be able to hug and kiss him on this earth, you will never be able to laugh at his little jokes. No more opportunity to tell him how much you love him, and feel his little arms hug you back to tell you he loves you too.

Please take a moment now to say a prayer for each parent who lost their child in the tragedy in Connecticut.

Most of us go on with our lives after a day or two when the news settle, thinking that ‘stuff like that will never happen to us here in Singapore…’ or ‘it has nothing to do with me, it is in a foreign country,’ or simply, ‘thank goodness, it did not happened to me,’ or ‘US government should just ban guns,’ or simply get caught up by indiscretions publicized by the local media of people in our country.

I mourn with the parents who mourn for the loss of their children.

There have always been a lot of positivity in this blog. But there are times like these when I find it hard to only address the good and not look and reflect on the real things that happen in life. My Twitter updates are assailed by updates after updates of tragedy of deaths of innocents daily, through wars or violence. And it is easy to start being apathetic, since we live in a safe country without conflict or wars, and tragedies like that usually does not happen to us.

If some of you are the more reflective sort may have this question at the back of your minds, “If there is a good God, why does He allow such tragedy to befall on the innocents?’

What happened to those innocents were pure evil. And we live in a broken world where good and evil exist. This causes a huge hole into the blind optimism of ‘Every Cloud has a silver lining,’ as there are some clouds which are black all through.

This is how hope comes in the face of unthinkable wickness-ness and sadness. It comes by the way of knowing that God is there, and He is comforting those even now with such deep and stabbing pain. So close to Christmas, perhaps presents are already wrapped under the tree. These parents’ Christmas will never be the same, their lives here will never be the same again.

“Thus says the LORD:  ‘A voice is heard in Ramah, lamentation and bitter weeping. Rachel is weeping for her children; she refuses to be comforted for her children, because they are no more.’” Jeremiah 31:15

This tragedy is compounded by the fact that it comes in such close proximity to Christmas, but I am reminded that there was the mass murder of children in the Christmas story as well. King Herod’s murderous decree that all baby boys under two years of age should be killed prompted Matthew to cite this very verse from Jeremiah. That Rachel was weeping for her children.

But this is not where either Jeremiah or Matthew leaves us. By God’s mercy, for those of us in Christ, there is hope and the promise of full restoration in Christ.

View3

I know God will bring good out of this evil. We can’t know when, and don’t know how or what. But I know this is how God works, as this is who and how He is.

 

Share it:

Photo *Heart* Fridays – Details

Posted on by
Reply

Nature 9

See the detailed patterns on this plant? It’s moss. Up close, things that we see at a glance that may look disgusting, can in fact look quite lovely up close.

Looking at the details of this moss got me thinking; God, my creator, must be a really creative and meticulous God to take so much care in planning the details for mere moss. What about me?

Using that as an analogy for my life, I think about God being with me as I go through life. He does not just walk with me with every event of my life, but He is always ahead of me. Nothing escapes His notice – not even the number of hairs on my head!

Even though the world is unstable and uncertain, I can experience continued peace by fixing my gaze on God’s presence in my life.

So if you know Him and are worried about the rest of 2012, don’t worry, He is ahead of you. How about the coming year of 2013? Rest in Him, He knows what will happen in the future, arranges the details of life, so that when you get to the days ahead, He is already been there before you.

‘Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father’s will. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.’ – Matthew 10:29-31

 

 



Share it:

Love vs Fear, Which Path will you take? Part 2

Posted on by
24

Read Part 1 of this post

Waiting around for that perfect job to come around tests your resilience. But I decided not to fear, but to wait it out in the meantime and consistently sent out CVs to job sites and recruiters.

There is nothing you can do to plan for the coincidences that will come your way, and most of the time, they are likely to be more important that whatever else you think is more important at that time. I guess John Lennon was right when he wrote, “Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.”

Singapore Mom Bloggers (SMB)

Smbgrey copy

The idea of setting the SMB group dropped in my head in end of Jan 2012 and I thought it was a great idea to start an exclusive support community for Mom Bloggers on Facebook. I told Pauline about this idea, and she asked me, “What is the objective of the group?” My response, “To network? I don’t know the details now either, but this idea is bugging me non-stop ever since it dropped into my head.”

Mar 2012, I created the SMB group on Facebook and started sending invites to the mom bloggers that I knew to join the group. I was excited that finally there will be a community that will help mom bloggers to support one another, network and benefit from the friendships and camaraderie potentially formed from the group.

A Social Media Brand Management Company

The turning point came in a form of an opportunity from a friend I knew, who wanted to work with mom bloggers on a new digital campaign. She was aware of my job situation and she told me in April 2012, “Help me to run the campaign since you haven’t got a job yet.”

This proposition really came in-line with my hope that Mom Bloggers will be compensated fairly by companies, when these companies needed their reach from their blogs, as well as the Mom Bloggers’ time and effort to blog for their brands. I did not take too kindly to PR companies or brands who pitch activities or community outreach (often as a facade) to get Mom Bloggers to blog for their brands for free. Or towards companies who offer cheap barter in exchange for blog posts.

The dynamics for media have changed tremendously these 3 years with the advent of social media. Mom Bloggers have become a form of media for companies who want to reach the online community. Similar to how print magazines and TV are media channels for the companies who buy advertising space on print magazines and TV channels.

Spending time marketing for brands have showed me that the commercial world is a very realistic place. If there is any chance of getting brand exposure on media channels at little or no cost, the companies will gladly take it up. It cannot be considered as exploitation either, when bloggers accepts the pitch, and agree to feature the brands and products willingly on their blogs for little or nothing in exchange.

Nonetheless, time spent moderating the community in SMB has taught me that it all comes down to individual choice for these moms and their blogs. And I have learnt to respect that choice.

Armed with my knowledge in brand marketing and social media, I went ahead to set up Right Klick Communications to represent the interest of a group of Mom Bloggers on social media brand campaigns. Then got in touch with the few key moms I knew from SMB, who were open to the idea of monetizing their blogs and pitched for my first project.

Did I fear that this will be a wasted effort?  For sure. If I made the rational, logical decision based on addressing my fear, I would have continued with my job search and went with a full time job to provide financial security.

When moments like this appeared to be fearful, it came down to one choice. A choice between faith and fear, and I made the decision to choose faith and courage.

395192 122381951243143 133180977 n

I secured the project and made the next tough decision. To go ahead with this business, I will have to stop my job search and depend on hb’s modest income in the meantime. So as to reduce our monthly financial commitments, hb and I decided to move out from the rental home that we were stayed close to 9 months and gave away 90% of our possessions. Our family then shifted into my mom’s house to bunked together in a room.

So has the business taken off these 6 months? Not quite, but I am into my 3rd project since March and will be looking to secure a couple more for following year. I am striving ahead and will give my best, as I have a group of friends from SMB who are hopeful to have more income from their blogs from this initiative.

Screen Shot 2012 10 11 at 7 50 49 PMNewspaper clipping from Evelyn’s scanned copy (Thanks Eve!)  Really blessed to have been featured on ST recently

I am still walking down the yellow brick road leading to my dream. And I am not confident to say that this is indeed the dream I wanted. This could be likely the dream that God planted in our hearts, from the moment Pauline and I said our prayer on that fateful day in 2010.

I definitely did not expect things to happen the way it did. But in some strange, yet surprisingly way, God answered that prayer and He is still answering our prayer today. You will definitely need to read Pauline’s story to hear her side of it :)

The worst thing that happened to me last year, transformed into a business this year. That is focused on something that I love, Blogging. And I am heartened that as the result of SMB, many friendships have been formed amongst the moms in SMB, that would not have been possible without the group.

I have learnt to focus on being a relentless optimist after this experience. And I am more convinced than ever that nothing is easy, but anything is possible.

Screen Shot 2012 10 11 at 5 35 56 PM

Love vs Fear, which one would you choose?

What’s holding you back from walking down the untravelled path towards your dream?


Linking up with


 

Share it:

Love vs Fear, Which Path will you take? Part 1

Posted on by
Reply

I have had many moments in my life where I made a single choice and it profoundly affected the course of my life. In these moments, the choice was between Love or simply to go with Fear. The times I chose not to crumble and to go with fear, I have been rewarded with open doors.

The path leading to my dream started with moments, moments that appear to be fearful. And each time I had to make the choice, between love and fear, I went with the decision to go with strength and love.

Each time I am face to face with those moments, these words will be brought to mind;

Screen Shot 2012 10 12 at 2 43 58 PM

Motherhood is my defining moment that presented a path of the yellow brick road towards my dream. Very much like what Dorothy experienced when she followed the Yellow Brick Road in The Wizard of Oz. It has, and still is, a journey of self-discovery, change and growth.

The 1st 6 months of being a new mom was difficult, K and I stayed apart from hb after a melodrama of accusations, frenzied tears and threatened suicide from my MIL, who was emotionally unstable at that time. When the dust settled, hb got her another place to stay, while K and I moved back home. Hb and I knew that we needed to make up for lost time in our marriage, and I struggled with the choice to stay in my full time job in regional marketing or be a SAHM.

The fear that confronted me was the loss of financial independence, which kept me in limbo for another 4 months. Until I finally convinced myself that financial well being is relative. I asked myself, suppose I did reach the financial goal sometime in the future, what would I have for the time in between?

A Companion to Walk Alongside

Having my little boy made me listen to my heart, his presence made me confront some difficult issues and make tough decisions. So I chose to go with love, quitted my full time job to be a SAHM and pursued further education in Early Childhood. I wanted to be a better mother, to learn how to raise my son well in his formative years.

My dream, at that point, was to be a curriculum specialist in a preschool. Or if I had some capital to start a business, to open a preschool of my own.

A year and a half later, the dream to work in a preschool industry included a companion who will walk alongside with me. I met up with Pauline. 4 months later, we founded an Early Childhood Education website and conducted home-learning workshops to train moms to coach their children at home. The first prayer we made together before the first workshop in 2010 included these words, “God, please use us to help other moms.”

Screen Shot 2012 10 13 at 5 32 44 PM

We are no saints for sure but that prayer came from purest of our intentions. We hope to use our knowledge in Early Childhood to help moms coach and bond with their kids at home through home-learning. But a year later, the business slowed down as we were bored conducting the same workshop repeatedly.

Crafty Interests

Screen Shot 2012 10 13 at 5 49 46 PM

I spent the last 6 months in 2011 to pursue artistic interests. I toyed with the idea of setting up an Etsy shop with my interest in crafting. Myplayschool.net started a new feature on crafting moms, Pauline and I created a video, and wrote posts on the website in the hope that hand-mades will have more awareness with the mom community online. We started up a ZAKKA Mom’s Facebook group to bring together the mom crafting community and organized a private fund raising activity for Children’s Hunger Fund.

Screen Shot 2012 10 13 at 5 42 40 PM

The path leading to my crafty dream derailed when hb closed down his business and had to go into employment. The next defining moment came when we sold our home, and I had to look for full time work in the last quarter of 2011 to supplement household income.

I went for many job interviews and believed that getting a full time job was the solution. The interviews proceeded to final stages, but there were no news from any of the jobs after that.

I struggled to cope with the situation and it felt like a total eclipse of my world…

 

Read on to Part 2 of this post.

 

 

Share it:

Photo *Heart* Fridays – Superhero

Posted on by
5

Photo1

I spend lots of time thinking about what I want to teach him.

I want to tell him that the older you get, you can’t play as much, it tends to get grey at times, and life ain’t easy. But life can also be beautiful, so don’t let life make you jaded or cynical. Continue to look to what makes you happy and brings you a peace of mind.

It’s ok if people are not happy with you, cos we can’t please everyone all the time. It’s also ok not to do what everyone else is doing and pursue your dreams. And if you do get married, find a partner who loves you for who you are and not who she hopes you become.

Be a friend to the boy / girl in school that everyone else is making fun of. And it’s ok to smile and be nice be people you don’t know, especially when you are an adult, just make sure they don’t know where you live.

And do trust in the biggest superhero that you can depend on, that’s God. He really has your best interests at heart and make sure you spend time with Him.

I worry and I worry too much. Sometimes I worry that I am not teaching him the ‘right’ thing.

All i need to do is to learn to trust my Superhero, the way I want to teach my son to.

 

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

- Philippians 4:6-7


(Photo taken with a iPhone 4s)

 

 



Share it:

Escaping the mass

Posted on by
21

Img 6302052912

Only three shelves of books will be kept from this book shelf.

 

Img 6304052912

Some vintage porcelain plates and cups in these drawers, and this white water jug will be given back to my mom.

 

Img 6297052912

This sofa and coffee table has served us for a good 10 years, and I hope that it will be of good use for another family.

 

Img 6306052912

This wooden divider and the shoe cabinets will be given away.

 

Img 6308052912

A sturdy dining set which has served us so well the last 10 years, which I am sure will be really useful for a family.

I think by now, you might have realized that this is not a home decor, or a show and tell post on how my home looks like. If you are really curious, you can check out this post on the different areas in the house http://www.catch-fortywinks.com/category/home/

We have given away half my wardrobe of clothes, hb’s clothes to thrift shop to Salvation Army. Most of K’s toys were given to a Malay family that my parents are helping with for their church’s social concern’s ministry, and we are only keeping a couple of his favorite toys. We will be giving away K’s bed, my bed and whatever furniture that is left in the house to an organization, who will collect used furniture or appliances and gift them to less fortunate Malay families.

We are moving away from this temporary home, and this time, we have decided to move in to a room in my mom’s house, so as to reduce household expenses. I will not have a helper anymore either, as we cannot afford to pay for domestic help.

The decision to do this has been very painful, and the process is very difficult, but hb and I both know that this is necessary.

Maybe some of you may be thinking, “This must be a huge loss…”

Initially it was, and I was in tears for the first few days when we came to this decision, and I have not quite snapped out of my irritable mood the last few days.

It has been a very difficult process to have to separate all my stuff into piles of ‘things to give away,’ and ‘things that we can bring along with us to the new room’. Do I not hope that I will have our own home again? The truth is, I don’t really think so far ahead, as I get great support living with my mom and dad.

All I know is, my God will provide according to His perfect time.

After settling into our new room in my mom’s house the last two days, I realized that this is actually the most free-ing thing that I have ever done.

Why I am feeling unshackled rather than empty at the state I am in?

Here are some quotes from a book that I have found so apt for my situation at this moment, a book known as The Treasure Principle by Randy Alcorn;

‘It’s a matter of basic physics. The greater the mass, the greater the hold that mass exerts. The more things we own – the greater their total mass the more they grip us, setting us in orbit around them. Finally, like a black hole, they suck us in.’

More stuff, means more mass.

Now I have that chance to defy the hold that this mass has on me. The less mass, the less its gravitational pull, and the easier it is to escape.

Am I ready? I think I am. After all, I have moved ahead with 95% less baggage than what we used to have.

 

‘…we’re pilgrims, strangers, aliens on earth (Hebrews 11:13)…”Our citizenship is in heaven” (Philippians 3:20). We’re citizens of “a better country – a heavenly one” (Hebrews 11:16). Where we choose to store our treasures depends largely on where we think our home is (Matthew 6 :21)’   – Randy Alcorn

 

Share it:

Can perspectives be rationalised?

Posted on by
4

This week, I have encountered many situations which have taught me that not all perspectives that I adopt can be rationalised. But in certain instances, rationalising does provide some solutions to the challenges that I face constantly or in the areas of parenting a 5 year old.

About Complaints

I am into Day 3 of no complaints. It was a struggle when I first started, but I realised the key to stop complaining is to start seeing complaints rationally. Before I sense a complaint rising, I try to identify if the problem is an irritation or an issue. By identifying this difference helps me to calm down and decide logically, if this is a problem, what are the solutions. And if this is just an irritation, I know that I have to be more flexible, patient and willing to extend grace to the person or the situation.

This has helped me to be less highly strung, more positive for the past 3 days and this experiment has been proven useful in changing my attitude towards people and situations. I cannot tell if I will continue to keep this up, but I think half the battle is won when I am able to rationalise my emotions.

So I have learnt that rationalising the root of complaints will prevent complaints from recurring.

 

About Failure and Personal Setbacks

Every once in a while, life may throw curve balls at you. Since January, I have been looking for a full-time job, thinking that it will be able to solve the financial issues for the family. In these 3 months, many doors opened but shut very quickly which left me feeling really defeated.

Instead of allowing failure, self-doubt and condemnation to knock me down, I will not allow these things to hold me back and stay down. I have learnt that life is not about avoiding failures and being perfect. It’s about accepting my weaknesses and becoming more dependent on God’s perfect love and His power at work in us.

Instead of being concerned about where the next dollar is coming in, God has been very faithful in providing through my hb, as we have been able to pay bills and loans with some money left over at the end of each month. Many other unexpected doors have opened this last week, opportunities that I did not expect, opportunities that will allow me to keep my WAHM status. At this moment, I am still not certain where these new opportunities will bring me, but I know I will be heading the right direction as long as I follow His lead.

Can I rationalise failure? I think so, as failure might even be the very thing that stretched me to do more than I think I can and push me to try other methods of doing things when one way doesn’t work. Failure can be hurtful, but it can also be beneficial to build resilience and faith.

As for faith, can one rationalise faith? I can but only to myself, as I believe because I want to and proof comes in the many instances that God has pulled me out of deep holes and shown His existence in my personal experiences.

 

About Life and Death

This is something that Kyle and I rarely talk about since we have not encountered this topic until Monday this week. An extended member of the family passed away on Monday; a great great grandfather from the maternal side of the family whom Kyle has never met.

I approached this subject rather gingerly, but ended rationalising the concept of death as he had little emotional ties with this late extended family member. So, I wasn’t too sensitive about it, when I used an analogy of a piece of fresh chicken being left in the outside to go bad, when he questioned the need for preserving the body.

Apart from that insensitive comparison, I explain why there is a need for funerals, as it is a way to bring closure to friends and family involved, while at the same time, honouring the person who has died. So he did not feel fear or apprehension when we were at the funeral, and it helped when he saw smiling relatives at the funeral. But I do need to revisit this topic again, more sensitively the next time, with the help of picture books.

A reminder to self, the concept of death can still be rationalised with a 5 year old in this instance, but it needs to be taken with more sensitivity.

 

About Fear

 

I discovered that fear can spread so quickly amongst moms when our kids safety is being threatened. Our maternal instincts just want to sound the alarm amongst other moms in network to remind them to be vigilant, and watchful of our kids when we are in public places. Some of us get indignant by the lack of precautionary measures by the government, some blame the influx of foreigners, while others get irate how the media takes the situation so lightly.

Instead of trying to change these things that are beyond our control, how about taking control of the situation ourselves and educate our kids? Education is the best defense for a problem of this sort. If teaching your child about the perils of stranger danger is not effective (especially if the child is under 2), watch your kid like a hawk and never let them out of your sight in public places. Or you could simply ignore disapproving looks from other moms by putting your child on a child-leash.

Most men tend to think more rationally when it comes to a problem that needs a solution, do read here to get a father’s perspective. Winston from Blogfathers.sg has incorporated some good ideas in his blog.

So fear can be rationalised in this scenario. Only then one can find solutions to address it.

 

From this post, u can probably get a glimpse that I am one that thinks too much into things, tend to be more of a rational thinker, than a feeling or sensing thinker. I will make a bad counselor, as I would only want to provide solutions, when sometimes all people want is a listening ear.

I used to dislike personality theories and tests, when taking my psychology minor in the University, as there were too many generalisations and stereotypes created with these tests. However, while writing this post, I realised that each of us will have differing perspectives and varying responses to situations that reflect certain traits of our personality.

So in line with developing stereotypes, I can probably say that I think more like a man (rational, often insensitive), than a woman. If u wish to find out what personality stereotypes you fall into, check this out – Myer Briggs personality test.

I am a INTJ! Do share with me what is your personality type if you have tried out the test.

 

 

Share it:

We are not so different

Posted on by
11

I met Rosa last Thursday.

And Kyle met David at the pool at Nana’s apartment. She was a friendly lady and I started a conversation with her, while we watched the boys play together in the children’s pool.

From our conversation, I found out that Rosa is a Korean and she is only here for a month to visit her hb who is a civil engineer working on the SMRT Downtown line. Rosa stays in Vancouver with her 2 other daughters and her MIL, and she only gets to spend some time with her hb thrice a year. Her hb’s job stints only last 3 to 4 years, and her family used to move from country to country with him.

After speaking to her for almost an hour, I asked if she would want to meet me this week to go out together, so that the boys can spend some time together. It was my first time doing something like that with a mom that I perceived to be a little different, as she was of a different nationality and age. I felt a little jittery that I will end up embarrassing myself for asking. But I felt compelled to ask her, when I found out she has no friends here, and while her hb is works in the day, she has been taking the bus on some days with David explore some place in Singapore. 

She was rather surprised when I asked, but told me that she would really like it. We exchanged mobile numbers, and her sms to me that evening after we parted ways was, "It was nice talking to u and thank you so much for your kindness."

I was rather surprised to have read that from the SMS, nevertheless, I was glad to see her appreciation. I was heartened that this first attempt at being slightly more thick-skinned than usual, to be willing to inconvenience my schedule a little for the week, and be a friend to someone I barely knew, seem to started on a positive note.

So Kyle and I met David and Rosa this morning, I brought them to Suntec City to check out the new play area and the boys had a great time.

Rosa and I chatted during lunch and shared about our lives, while the boys kept themselves occupied in the play room.

Then I realised that we are not so different after all.

Despite some cultural differences; she eats rice and sweet potatoes for breakfast, and then rice for  lunch and dinner, and must have Kim Chee at every meal. We shared some similarities towards some of our priorities in life.

I found out that as she moved around so much with her hb the last 20 years that all her kids are born in different countries, David in Vancouver, her teenage daughter in Kuwait and the oldest child who is of college age, is born in Korea. She became so tired moving around that she decided that she needed to give her kids some permanence in a home where they could grow up secure and build friendships. So 6 years ago, she made the choice to get a PR in Vancouver, and not return to Korea, for the sake of her kids.

It was a brave move. But it didn’t matter that she had to build a new life in a new country, learn a new language, get a new English name for herself and make new friends. Making these changes have been worthwhile. Her two daughters are now well adjusted and have a good education in Vancouver.

She expressed surprise that a mom who was 8 years younger than she is and someone who is of different culture will have so much similarities in our attitudes towards life. I told her that ultimately, we want the best for our children and our families. Sometimes we need to take the brave step to make a choice in our lives, a choice that might shake the security in our lives a little. Changes that require some sacrifices on our own lives and dreams, but it gets all worthwhile when we see that our children are secure and well adjusted.

I encouraged her that she needed to start thinking a little more about her own life, since David is growing up, and soon she would have more time on her hands. Consider taking classes in recreational centres in Vancouver, learn how to use the internet, maybe starting a blog and meet like-minded moms through online communities, or join a church fellowship group. Maybe even starting a hobby to cultivate an interest, or pursue a passion that can fuel a new business idea.

Although we make these sacrifices along the way, does not mean that our aspirations for our kids take over and there is no place for our own. Our aspirations do not die, instead, dreams only get re-aligned, particularly when we meet certain crossroads or life challenges.

All it needs is that different set of lens to perceive our lives, and each change that we encounter simply means that it opens up a whole lot of new possibilities for us.

Share it: