Category Archives: Mom’s Musings

A Mom-of-One’s take on a self-absorbed Mothers’ Day Week

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For a mom-of-one, the season for craving to have another child comes along every once in a while, especially when a friend just had a baby and another just got pregnant with her second.

Looking at lovely photos of the precious little infant of a few days old with their eyes closed, looking so vulnerable tends to heighten my desire of having another child. Then I should go have another child? Don’t ever say that to me, as I might just go psycho on you. Let me correct that, I never go psycho on anyone (except my hb, and rarely on K), you will likely get a stoned-face expression from me as this is a question that I am tired of answering.

A conversation on Regina‘s Facebook status made me cry last Thursday.

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Yes, it did, Regina.

Like I couldn’t control this sadness that was overwhelming me. I would like to blame it on PMS, except that PMS already happened 1 week ago. There are some things that we tend to push it at the back of our minds as we don’t want to think about it, this is one of those things for me. Somehow it has been alot more pronounced lately.

Last night I started thinking about it again, as I was contemplating if I should come public with this on my blog. Drenching my pillow with my wet tears, while at the same time, admonishing myself “You stupid over-emotional woman, cry for what. Forget about this thought, I am sure God has His reasons for you not having another child. You are not meant to be a mom-of-more-than-one. You are meant to do something else with your life, and stay as a Mom-of-one. Get it?” Yeah. Like what. I still haven’t found an answer to that.

Maybe it’s because its Mother’s Day soon, and I am just too self-focused. Mothers’ Day is not just about me, it about my mom (with 3 kids btw), and my grandmothers (who all had more than 5 kids at each side) and the majority of moms in the world with more than 1 child :( :( :(

Just have to forget Mothers’ Day for a moment.

And think about why I am being an over-emotional mom. The emo-feeling has been alot more pronounced this year likely because this is K’s last year into pre-school and he will be going to Primary 1 next year. And I don’t want Primary 1 to happen. But it is going happen, whether I like it or not. I often catch myself looking at K with this wistful look in my eye, with the same words run through my head, like a broken recorder, begging, “Please don’t grow up so fast.” And it gets worse when my thought start to wonder, “I wonder how K’s brother or sister will look like, I think he/she will be just as endearing as this little guy.” Then the rational woman in me, will go, “I think its better that you stop over-thinking, as it will never happen.”

I don’t know if this sort of things happens to moms with more 1 child. But as a mom-of-1, I always tell myself that I will make a lousy mom-of-2 or more, as I will be too overwhelmed with having to take care of two kids. But who am I kidding? It’s just sour grapes speaking here. If I was privilege enough to have another child, God will make it possible for me to manage parenting more than 1 child.

As the week of Mothers’ Day comes around. If you are a mom with one child, a mom with many kids, dwell and appreciate this great blessing to have children and an even greater privilege to shepherd them. So do not reflect on the ‘could-have, would-have, should-have’ moments that u regret making when it comes to having more than one child. Maybe is a good time also to think about your priorities as a mom to your kids?

As for this mom-of-one, I should just start making a point to a better mom and make sure that every second I spend with K really counts, and stop wasting my mom-time. After all, I still might have some time left over to make this world a better place for all. Right.

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An Ode to Six

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Kyle 1

Six oh six, it has been difficult to watch you grow up

My parenting skills have been put to the test

Every single day

And I wonder if this is my best

 

Six oh six, you are still very much a child

And a precocious one indeed

But being a typical boy,

Often you hear, but pay no heed

K2

Six oh six, you are sociable and friendly

When anyone can be your best friend today

But friendship can sizzle

Just as easily the next day

 

Six oh six, developing a sense of right or wrong

Seems to come so naturally

All you need is some nudging from me

But time and getting organized is still abstract, possibly?

K1

Six oh six, you are a very funny little person

Have very clear preferences for the things that you like

Spy stories, drawing and making up your own songs

Always making me laugh at the stories that you write

K5

Six oh six, to make this memorable year for you and me

I cannot forget to encourage

And be there to support

Of all your inspirations, of every little sort

 

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Motherhood Mondays – Some Drama

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It was a regular Friday afternoon, K was at Nana’s pool waiting for his friend to arrive for a swim play date. Just moments before his friends arrived, K emerged from the pool crying, gripping his foot. I looked at his foot and what I horrified by what I saw.

We quickly left the pool and went upstairs to my parent’s house to get some first aid attention on his foot.

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Grand-dad doused the antiseptic solution on his foot and wrapped it up with a bandage to stop the bleeding. We quickly left the house and made our way to A&E at Gleneagles hospital as K’s injury needed some stitches.

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He was fairly calm when we waited to see the doctor,

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When the nurse removed the bandages to clean the wound, K held my hand and braced himself for the pain,

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Big fat tears rolled down his cheek as the nurse cleaned the wound,

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I would be tearing too from the pain of the cut, that almost severed the tip of his toe.

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The doctor explained that he needed to give K a local anesthetic before stitching the tip to his skin back to his toe. No tears, but K let out a loud, “Oh…Ow…Ow…” then “Oh man!”, when the needle went into his toe. I suppose being able to play games on the phone worked as a rather useful ‘other anesthetic’ to distract him from the pain.

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K ended up with 2 stitches on his 4th toe and a bandaged right foot.

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There have been little complaints from him since Friday night, and he is on the mend.

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As for mom, most things are on hold the next one week, since he has to be out of school and I have to take care of him at home 24/7.

Sigh…there is never a dull moment in life when you are a mom.

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Photo *Heart* Fridays – Savoring the Season

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He is growing up fast. Lately it is more and more obvious that the baby in him is replaced by sharp retorts and ‘I can do it by myself, mommy!” Despite all these, he is still that tender-hearted little boy.

He still plants random kisses on my cheek, sticks really close to me while we are watching his TV programmes together and his hand always searches for my arm to hold, under the blanket in the mornings.

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He will be turning 6 in 2 months.

Instead of getting all nervous about him starting primary school next year, and worry about him not being academically prepared for the new year. I have decided that I will take a step back, and he will only attend school 4 times a week in his K2 year.

And we are going to spend more quality time together.

Childhood is fleeting and I think this is an understatement. I often feel all melancholic about these fleeting moments and wonder what he will remember from our days together. Will he remember the hugs, the silly jokes, fun and laughter? Or will he remember the not so pleasant moments, like my impatience, or times when we bicker?

I am sure that there will be plenty of things that I have said before that he will dismiss or forget as he grows older. But I will hope that he will internalize what I have taught him, things that are the most important to me. The ones that I hope he will be able to carry with him to guide him throughout his life.

About how strong and smart he is, how sensitive and considerate he can be to his loved ones and his friends. About how much he needs to depend on God, and have the faith that He is a good God that always protects and provides for him.

We will be spending more time together this year to learn about that one thing that is the most important to me; learning about our hearts and character, and most importantly how we can develop our relationship with our Creator.

Light 1
Science Object Lessons with K – ‘Let your light shine.’

So what are the moments that you are savoring this season?

 



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Hope in Sadness

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Just imagine, picture your little one. Picture helping your child get to school one morning, it is a regular day, just like any there day. You help to dress him/her up, prepare the tooth brush at the sink, then make sure things are packed in the school bag.

You bring your child downstairs to take the school bus, hearing the little chatter and laughter as he gets on the bus, you hug your little one and tell him, “Bye! Enjoy your day at school!” You take the lift back home, walk into your kitchen and have your breakfast while reading the papers.

1 hour later. A phone rings, and the policeman on the other line tells you something happened at school and you need to make your way there asap. Your heart beats rapidly, not knowing what to expect, but you quickly make your way down to your child’s school.

As you get to the school, you see the throngs of cars and police cars parked outside the school. Many parents walking around, some teary, others with eyes wild with fear, many screaming at the policemen at the scene for answers. You see a policeman, and you ask, “What happened? Is my child ok?” Policeman tells you he doesn’t know yet and walk away. You try to get into the school, but the policemen outside tell you to wait.

After a hour of what feels like eternity, a policeman walk towards you, ask you for your name. He looks at his list and a look of empathy crosses his face, your heart drops when you see his expression. “This can’t be happening…what has happened to my baby. Please let this be a nightmare, please I have to wake up!”

And all you can think of at that moment is – My baby is gone. He is gone! He will not be home after school, you don’t have to worry about what he is going to eat today, or what time he is going to bed tonight. You will never be able to hug and kiss him on this earth, you will never be able to laugh at his little jokes. No more opportunity to tell him how much you love him, and feel his little arms hug you back to tell you he loves you too.

Please take a moment now to say a prayer for each parent who lost their child in the tragedy in Connecticut.

Most of us go on with our lives after a day or two when the news settle, thinking that ‘stuff like that will never happen to us here in Singapore…’ or ‘it has nothing to do with me, it is in a foreign country,’ or simply, ‘thank goodness, it did not happened to me,’ or ‘US government should just ban guns,’ or simply get caught up by indiscretions publicized by the local media of people in our country.

I mourn with the parents who mourn for the loss of their children.

There have always been a lot of positivity in this blog. But there are times like these when I find it hard to only address the good and not look and reflect on the real things that happen in life. My Twitter updates are assailed by updates after updates of tragedy of deaths of innocents daily, through wars or violence. And it is easy to start being apathetic, since we live in a safe country without conflict or wars, and tragedies like that usually does not happen to us.

If some of you are the more reflective sort may have this question at the back of your minds, “If there is a good God, why does He allow such tragedy to befall on the innocents?’

What happened to those innocents were pure evil. And we live in a broken world where good and evil exist. This causes a huge hole into the blind optimism of ‘Every Cloud has a silver lining,’ as there are some clouds which are black all through.

This is how hope comes in the face of unthinkable wickness-ness and sadness. It comes by the way of knowing that God is there, and He is comforting those even now with such deep and stabbing pain. So close to Christmas, perhaps presents are already wrapped under the tree. These parents’ Christmas will never be the same, their lives here will never be the same again.

“Thus says the LORD:  ‘A voice is heard in Ramah, lamentation and bitter weeping. Rachel is weeping for her children; she refuses to be comforted for her children, because they are no more.’” Jeremiah 31:15

This tragedy is compounded by the fact that it comes in such close proximity to Christmas, but I am reminded that there was the mass murder of children in the Christmas story as well. King Herod’s murderous decree that all baby boys under two years of age should be killed prompted Matthew to cite this very verse from Jeremiah. That Rachel was weeping for her children.

But this is not where either Jeremiah or Matthew leaves us. By God’s mercy, for those of us in Christ, there is hope and the promise of full restoration in Christ.

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I know God will bring good out of this evil. We can’t know when, and don’t know how or what. But I know this is how God works, as this is who and how He is.

 

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Motherhood Mondays – Sing a Song

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I have never been much of a singer, I can carry a tune but my vocal range is very limited and sing too softly. Hb is though, he serenaded me at our second date and sang live in front of our wedding guests.

K enjoys singing and loves to compose his own songs. Recently, I found him listening to granddad’s music on his iPad and singing along with it, during one of his ‘eye-training’** evenings.

Did he used to do the same when he was younger? Excuse me while I reminisce the days when he was still a tot at 2 and a half.

**A separate note about his eye training; I am heartened to share that his left eye’s vision has improved! We visited his opthamologist last week and were told that his eye test have improved by 1.5 lines. To further improve his sight, he will need to increase eye training to 4 hours daily. It will be tough to increase eye training sessions, but we will get there, eventually.

 

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Photo *Heart* Fridays – The Big Picture

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LandscapefinalK’s landscape creation after 10 weeks of art classes

 

I have always loved capturing landscapes with my camera. My only limitation is this, I don’t get to travel often or far enough to capture this sort of landscape through my lens.

Looking at this picture that K has completed this week showed me how we view landscapes is parallel to how we view our lives. Many times I find myself so occupied with the here and now, that I lose sight of the big picture of things.

‘Life is like a landscape. You live in the midst of it but can describe it only from the vantage point of distance.’ ~ Charles Linbergh

Despite the challenges of the daily grind, and of certain days that make me feel a lot less hopeful than others. I always need to remind myself to look up and out of the place that I have been, into a place where hope lives. A place where I have learnt to be content to be where I am and be energized again to move forward.

 



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Photo *Heart* Fridays – Take the Plunge!

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Picasion com f7f0f3101126a2600b39b6c391781a65

Watching him dived off the edge made me nervous.

What if he loses his balance?

What if he knocks his head on the side of the wall?

Before letting him dive off, I set a couple of ground rules. “No spinning… take a big leap from the wall..no monkeying around when u jump…focus on the jump…make sure that the water is deep enough…”

He is only 5 and can surely do with some tips from his mom on how to make a safe jump into the pool.

Seeing him display so much enthusiasm and the lack of fear to take the plunge off the edge, reminds me that sometimes it might be worthwhile to take risks in my life, and take a plunge into that very thing which will make me nervous. Who knows what pleasant surprises could be in store?

 

 



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Of Cheesy One Liners and Mr Right

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Out came the cheesy one liner designed to impress, “Hi, You are Rachel right? I think you are very sweet.”

Girl looks up, ready to give a retort , i.e. “I don’t talk to strangers or my mom tells me not to talk to people with cheesy one liners.” Then she sees Boy, who thankfully, looked quite cute, with his flushed cheeks coupled with his shy smile. She thus decided to spare him the rejection, on account on him being the cutest guy who had approached her in school that year. After all, Girl was sick of cheesy one liners from guys who had built a thick skin after enduring countless rejections from other girls.

Mustering up her best deadpan expression, Girl waited for Boy to say the next thing. Boy then said “So how was was Comms paper, you must have aced it since you left the lecture theatre so early.” They then spent the next couple 10 minutes chatting, until she spotted her friends.

She can’t really recall if she gave him her number then but she recalled the familiar sight of him walking past her classroom purposefully each time she attended the weekly business comm lessons. The next time she met him was when she was babysitting her 3 year old brother in the school cafeteria, while her mum had to run some errands. He approached her to say hi, accompanied by two of his friends, who only made him seem like the more attractive catch, as his friends sprouted the usual cheesy remarks.

So you will know, that’s what they say.

Maybe that’s just nonsense from romance novels that will always describe that doe-eyed cliche about listening to your heart when you meet Mr Right for the first  time. Yeah right…at 17, your brain probably can’t be trusted to make a rational decision about Mr Right.

Well we went out eventually and I remember that the first date was a Michael Bolton concert. I sang along waving the light stick enthusiastically to “How am I supposed to live without you,’ the cheesiest song Bolton did of all time. But it was my first music concert so I guess I was swept away by the euphoria of live music.

After the concert, he brought me to a playground at Marina, where we spent the next 2 hours chatting. In a moment of spontaneity, I leaned close and I kissed him (gasp!) Just because I wanted to test if he was the one. Thanks to those same romance novels that I was so fond of reading at that time, I wanted to test what was written about how one will just know when your lips meet for the first time. Would sparks fly? Would heartbeat quicken? I just had to know. But Zilch, no sparks, no quickened heart beat after the kiss. On the way home in the cab he asked, “So I will see you again?” My response, “We will see about that.”

Well, I did go out with him again after that first date. I don’t know what made me go out with him again but I suspect it was because he was good company, interesting to chat with and had a great sense of humor.

Screen Shot 2012 09 25 at 2 42 34 AMOur date in Sentosa as a couple

But even after having gone out with him for a year, I still wasn’t sure if he was Mr. Exactly Right. As the years started to fly by, 3, 5, 7 years…the brain did what it usually does, over think things, make comparisons, along with all sorts of other nonsense…about the potential permanency of the relationship.

But I think the heart probably knew.

Screen Shot 2012 09 25 at 2 43 07 AMWedding 29th November 2004

So the romance novels are right after all, what is written about the heart. The heart ruled in the end and what the heart knows over time mattered so much more.

Till this day, he still thinks I kissed him on our first date because he was such a charmer….

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Motherhood Mondays – He Makes me Smile

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Photo1 1 copyBeing given 2 packets of Caramel Corn, wearing his favorite Spidey T-shirt and on his way to Tennis class. These things made him smile that afternoon.

 

And what he said lately that made me smile;

  • While we were walking to the swimming pool, he randomly kissed my arm and then told me, “I love you mom. You know even when you die, I still love you.”
  • Another random affectionate moment while I was reading to him before bedtime – Kissed me on my cheek and said. “Silly boys are those who only know how to stare at their games on the iPads n iPhones, and don’t know how to kiss their daddies and mummies.”
  • On wanting a new name – “I have a middle name right? Can I change my middle name to Diego. Or can be Blue Ninja, ok that’s not that nice. Maybe Jay, Blue Jay, Haha…(the breed of bird that he painted for his art class project). I think I prefer Sinsehwu, that’s quite a nice Japanese name to have.”

 


In participation of Gingerbread Mum’s Linky Party

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