For a mom-of-one, the season for craving to have another child comes along every once in a while, especially when a friend just had a baby and another just got pregnant with her second.
Looking at lovely photos of the precious little infant of a few days old with their eyes closed, looking so vulnerable tends to heighten my desire of having another child. Then I should go have another child? Don’t ever say that to me, as I might just go psycho on you. Let me correct that, I never go psycho on anyone (except my hb, and rarely on K), you will likely get a stoned-face expression from me as this is a question that I am tired of answering.
A conversation on Regina‘s Facebook status made me cry last Thursday.
Yes, it did, Regina.
Like I couldn’t control this sadness that was overwhelming me. I would like to blame it on PMS, except that PMS already happened 1 week ago. There are some things that we tend to push it at the back of our minds as we don’t want to think about it, this is one of those things for me. Somehow it has been alot more pronounced lately.
Last night I started thinking about it again, as I was contemplating if I should come public with this on my blog. Drenching my pillow with my wet tears, while at the same time, admonishing myself “You stupid over-emotional woman, cry for what. Forget about this thought, I am sure God has His reasons for you not having another child. You are not meant to be a mom-of-more-than-one. You are meant to do something else with your life, and stay as a Mom-of-one. Get it?” Yeah. Like what. I still haven’t found an answer to that.
Maybe it’s because its Mother’s Day soon, and I am just too self-focused. Mothers’ Day is not just about me, it about my mom (with 3 kids btw), and my grandmothers (who all had more than 5 kids at each side) and the majority of moms in the world with more than 1 child
Just have to forget Mothers’ Day for a moment.
And think about why I am being an over-emotional mom. The emo-feeling has been alot more pronounced this year likely because this is K’s last year into pre-school and he will be going to Primary 1 next year. And I don’t want Primary 1 to happen. But it is going happen, whether I like it or not. I often catch myself looking at K with this wistful look in my eye, with the same words run through my head, like a broken recorder, begging, “Please don’t grow up so fast.” And it gets worse when my thought start to wonder, “I wonder how K’s brother or sister will look like, I think he/she will be just as endearing as this little guy.” Then the rational woman in me, will go, “I think its better that you stop over-thinking, as it will never happen.”
I don’t know if this sort of things happens to moms with more 1 child. But as a mom-of-1, I always tell myself that I will make a lousy mom-of-2 or more, as I will be too overwhelmed with having to take care of two kids. But who am I kidding? It’s just sour grapes speaking here. If I was privilege enough to have another child, God will make it possible for me to manage parenting more than 1 child.
As the week of Mothers’ Day comes around. If you are a mom with one child, a mom with many kids, dwell and appreciate this great blessing to have children and an even greater privilege to shepherd them. So do not reflect on the ‘could-have, would-have, should-have’ moments that u regret making when it comes to having more than one child. Maybe is a good time also to think about your priorities as a mom to your kids?
As for this mom-of-one, I should just start making a point to a better mom and make sure that every second I spend with K really counts, and stop wasting my mom-time. After all, I still might have some time left over to make this world a better place for all. Right.