Solo-Parenting a 7 year old Boy

I have to admit that when I found out I was having a little boy, it was with a mixed bag of emotions. I would very much like to say that I was moved by the miracle of life and cried happy tears when my child was placed in my arms.

But the very first thing I said to my hb when I saw K was, ”Why does he look like that?”

Well, this shallow mom have repented since.

Lately with the recent adjustments at home, I have been reflecting about my part of being one-half of a parent to K. I used to think that the relationship between same-sexed parents and children; i.e.. mother-daughter or father-son, are extra special. However, I found out that the relationship that forms the child, are the mother-son, father-daughter relationships.

I am not just saying this since I have a son, nor do I want to downplay the importance that Dads have on their son being role models. But this combination it seems, is the ideal parent-child combination for single parents.

I may not fit into a profile of a single parent, since hb and I are still happily married. Nonetheless, the solo-parent status applies to my parenting life right now.

I asked K this question recently, “Do you think you have a brave-heart?”

His response to me was, “No, I have a chicken-heart, as I cry easily when I feel hurt and I am sometimes afraid of insects.” Hb used to say that K was being ‘chicken-hearted’ when he got too sensitive, or don’t show enough courage for challenges that he encounters.

My reply to him was, “Not chicken-hearted. You have a tender heart, that can be brave and courageous as God is with you.”

I believe I still can be the parent who will let him understand what I see and admire most in men. Build his confidence, demonstrate that actions have consequences, help him gain a tender heart, and teach him how to love God with all his heart.

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I am K’s mom, I am not his dad. And I will never expect to be both, as I think I will fail quite miserably.

My focus as K’s mom is to build a heart connection with him, and will never try to be the dad that I can never be.

I guess I am still in a good place when it comes to being a parent. Even if I means that I am the one who has to pick up dead lizards and get rid of any insect that find their way into our room.

Felt Bunny Softie 1

P.S. When K was a baby, I used to be so envious of people who were able to make beautiful quilted blankets for their babies. I still haven’t got around making a blanket for K, since he doesn’t have a need for one anymore.

I have found the next best alternative; softies. This isn’t the first softie that I have made for him, as he still has the wonky-looking cat softies I made for him 3 years ago. But it is the first personalized softie complete with glasses and his first name initial.

Just one of the many reasons why I love to do hand-mades, as this will be the only softie bunny uniquely like this one.

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Tame your Tongue…even when it isn’t fair.

The boy came back one Monday afternoon, clearly upset, as he was wrongly accused for something he didn’t do.

The story was; his form teacher confiscated his book (that I just bought for him over that weekend) as he was about to transfer it from under his desk into his bag. He tried to reason with his teacher that he was just trying to keep the book in his bag, and never attempted to read it during class time. But her response was, “I am sorry, but I have to confiscate this book.”

He then waited, 1 week after, the book didn’t come back.

2 weeks after the incident, the book didn’t return.

3 weeks after the incident, she likely forgot about it.

Despite K asking if he could get the book back from her, she answered “I will return it to you soon”, but we still didn’t see it 2 days after that. I decided to type out this message about how I felt about the incident;

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I didn’t send this message, although this was exactly how I felt. Instead, I sent this one to her. Short and simple.

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And K got the book back the next day in school.

I told K that he just have to make sure that he keeps his story book in the bag during class time, in order to avoid this from happening again. It was not a fair judgement but he will have to comply to classroom rules.

Call it EQ, or realizing that it is NOT the right person I have to be assertive to, or simply just watching what comes out from my mouth, I just didn’t think that it was worth letting her know how I feel about the matter. Even though the boy wasn’t at fault from the start and this was the first time she thought she ‘caught’ him committing the offense.

Besides, I don’t want her to ‘mark’ K, or decide that this child has a very troublesome mother whom she doesn’t really like very much, and then decides to ignore him in class. I don’t know his form teacher well enough at this point to expect that she will not respond this way, if I were to send the first message.

So yes, my tongue is tamed.

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Is it just age or wisdom?

Being a mom tames my tongue. Especially when you are corresponding with someone whom your child will be facing almost daily for the next 9 months in the coming year, so it is important to choose your words wisely when it comes to your child’s teachers.

Here are some words that I abide by from the book of Proverbs about watching what we say;

Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble – Proverbs 21: 23

 

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. – Proverbs 15:1

 

Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him – Proverbs 29:20

and my all-time-favorite?

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits – Proverbs 18:21

This constantly reminds me to be conscious of what I say to my child. To use my tongue to ENCOURAGE and Build him up, NOT tear down.

So if you are saying things to your child like “You are stupid”, when you know your child is not very intelligent, or “You are a monster or a terror,” when he/she is a handful. Stop doing it.

Words can either cause DEATH; hopes, understanding, families, friendship, reputations or even death of marriages. Or LIFE; reconciliation, peace, encouragement, hope, love.

What would come out from your mouth today? Words that give LIFE or DEATH?

 

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7 and 17 : My ‘Gifted’ Numbers as a Mom

7 years. Breaking it down to absolutes, it has has been 84 months or 2555 days or 61,320 hours.

That’s how long I have been a mom. It’s no mean feat, coming from someone who didn’t expect a child 7 years + 36 weeks ago, and didn’t intend to have one. I surprised my close friends and family when I gave up my career, pursued a post-grad studies in Early Childhood and then started a part time work option. All of that so as to dedicate more time to take care of this little guy.

I would have probably laughed out loud in your face, if you have told me 8 years ago, that the day I become a mom I will be doing exactly what I did a year after I gave birth to him.

Life have never been the same ever since this guy came into my life. As this little guy is the key factor for all the life-changing experiences I have encountered in life the last 7 years.

desired to have another child sometime ago, but I soon came to realized that K will likely be the ONLY child that God plans for me to have.

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The Numbers 7 and 17

7 and 17 are very interesting numbers for us. These are the numbers that often pop up in my life in the strangest of places.

Last December during our short trip to Hong Kong, the number 7 or 17 appeared so many times, until I could not ignore it. From tables in restaurants, seats to ticket numbers, numbers that I could never have been able to select for myself.

Kyle and I are both born on the 17th day of the month, his being in March, while mine is in September.

17 is also the last of the 7 prime numbers of indivisible numbers of 1, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13 and 17.

If you have read the bible before, about 1 in 5 bible scriptures contain a number. So do numbers in the bible contain any significance? I believe so.

Gematria is the technique of using the numeric values of Hebrew and Greek letters to find a hidden or symbolic meaning to the corresponding word. It has its roots in interpreting Hebrew scriptures in order to seek out hidden meaning and has been adopted by both Christians and the occult. Some Christians maintain that gematria has real meaning in scripture, while others warn of its mystical roots.

Taking the number meanings in Jewish or English GemetriaRachel equals to the number 117 while for K (with his names) equals to the number 775. There you see the numbers 7 and 17 in our Names Gemetria.

If you take note of what numbers that you often chanced upon, you might realised that you have special number/s too. Using the Gemetria Calculator, try not to get distracted by results the strange words that people search out with the same number Gemetria as your name :P

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What does the number 7 and 17 symbolize? 

7 symbolizes completeness and spiritual perfection, while the 17 symbolizes “overcoming in enemy” and complete victory in Biblical numbers.

Not that I am implying that K and I are spiritually perfect. Rather, what I believe is that completeness and spiritual perfection can only be found in our life in Christ.

From the bible, this is where the number 7 and 17 are found;

“By the 7th day, God completed His word” (Genesis 2:2) The Bible’s Old Testament ‘Feast of Booths’ was complete after 7 days (Leviticus 23:24).

There were 7 pairs of each animal taken into Noah’s ark (Genesis 7:2).  And God began to flood the earth on the 17th day of the 2nd Hebrew month, and Noah’s Ark and its 8 passengers (1 + 7 = 8 !) rested on the mountains of Mount Ararat on the 17th day of the 7th month. (There’s 7 and 17 again!).

In the book of Revelation, which I believe is not just symbolic, we can find 7 churches (a depiction of the modern church as well). In this same book, the Judgement of the earth is completed with 7 seals, 7 trumpets and 7 bowls of wrath.

From the creation of Adam and Eve, there has been approximately six millennia on the earth; and the 7th millennium will see Christ’s rule on earth, and complete earth’s history.

Jesus Christ gained a complete victory over death and the grave, when God resurrected Him near sunset on Nisan 17 (Saturday, April 8, 30 A.D).

Kylephoto3 In the book of 1 Corinthians in the bible, the 17th mention of the word “LOVE” comes when the apostle Paul states that it is the GREATEST gift of all (1 Corinthians 13:13)

Which incidentally ties together with theme of this post. The LOVE a mom has for her child/children, the LOVE that God has for us and it is LOVE that inspired the beginnings of this blog.

 

How did a 7-years-of-being-a-mom post turned out to be a post on biblical numbers?

This significance of biblical numbers are just one of the many ways that God demonstrates that His presence is always here with K and I.

I often like to say that K’s birth is an accident, since I didn’t plan for it. But after learning about the significance of these biblical numbers, God has showed me that our very existence did not come by accident.

God has planned exactly when He wanted K to be conceived, and I have been specially hand-picked by God to be the mom that God wanted K to have.

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So when anyone asks me what are my special numbers? I will either say 17 or 7, as ever so often, God pulls out a 17 or a 7 out of His hat, and throws it my way to remind me that He LOVES us and is always here with us.

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His LOVE is REAL!

These photos were all taken in the month of March 2014. This March has proven to be a very special month, not only for me, but also for K.

The weekend before his birthday, K experienced something very special that proved to him that God is very real in his life and that He listens to his prayers.

See that duo in the picture above, of a stunted Iron Man and a Captain America figurine without his shield?

Hb got K the Limited Edition Iron Man figurine from a 7-Eleven store. He surprised K with the box on Saturday afternoon, and when hb got it he didn’t know what character will be in the box. The little boy prayed that he will get an Iron Man or Captain America.

K had a 14% chance that he would get either characters, and was totally thrilled when he opened the box and found that it was an Iron Man figurine.

Then that very afternoon, when he went to the mall with hb for a games arcade treat, he met a cleaner uncle in the toilet, who said, “小弟弟,这个给你” (Translated – “Little Boy, this is for you”), and the uncle passed the Captain America with the missing shield to K.  It turned out that some child, left the figurine on a table in the food court and never returned to look for it.

What are the chances that Cleaner Uncle was able to meet K on the same day and then decided that he was the boy to pass the figurine to? I would think extremely remote!

When you know God personally, He becomes so real in your life, that coincidences become commonplace. So much so, that I would think that these experiences and numbers are God-incidences and not just mere coincidences. Through this, God has also shown me that He has a great sense of humor ;)

I thank God for the 7 years that He has gifted to me with this little boy and I look forward to the many many sets of 7 years ahead as K’s mom. No matter what life may bring, I know I will be able to take it with hope and courage as I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!

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What’s your number? Try to pay attention to some numbers that have very special significance, or seem to jump out at you in many many places. You just might be able to discover the number that God has for you. You can check out this site to find out the Jewish Gemetria numbers for your name, and read here for your biblical meaning of your number.  

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