Tag Archives: Family

A Glass Half Empty or Half Full?

Posted on by
36

There are plenty of heartbreaks, distractions, disappointments and challenges that often make their way into our lives every once in a while.

Life isn’t easy.

Some of us may have it a little easier than the rest, while others often have it really rough.

Often, bad things can happen anyone. We don’t have control of many of these things that happen to us, however, we have control over how we respond to our trial.

So when you look at this glass of water, do you see a glass that is half empty or half full?

TnT 7

I sold my home in Sept 2011. At first hb and I though our family could be comfortable in a new place for some time before settling down longer term in another home. But to reduce household commitments, and allow the chance for me to give a shot at my ‘dreams’, we went on to stay with my mom for close to 7 months and finally settled down in a new place in the east. A new room to be accurate, as my family shares common areas with 2 other ladies who live under the same roof.

If I choose to see my life like a glass half empty, this is what I will see…

- An old, dim and dreary flight of stairs leading to the house that I have been staying in for the past 3 weeks. The flight of steps leading to the house always have puddles of what K thinks is cat urine.

TnT 1

- Common areas in the house consisting of two sofas, which is covered with a mishmash of recycled printed bedsheets and cardboard box,

TnT 15

- this rusty old deckchair (which I think belongs to a junkyard) is the only thing I can sit on if I want to sun myself or read a book in the balcony.

TnT 4

- TV channels like TCS 5 and 8 are non-existent in the room that my family stays in, and what about cable? If we want cable TV channels, we need to fork out $2000.00 just to get a new antenna fixed for the house.

TnT 5

- Bed for hb comes in the form of a mattress, which will be propped against the wall in the day when he goes to work.

This used to be the mattress that I slept in when we stayed at my mom’s house the last 7 months. So hb and I don’t share a bed, and we have an additional room mate who is the biggest and noisiest ‘lamp-post’ who sleeps in the same bed as I do. Can someone remind me what does the word intimacy means?

TnT 9

- What we use daily is stored in this wardrobe with 3 doors. The greatest trial a reformed clothes-horse can experience is to have minimal space for her own clothes.

TnT 12

- K has his personal space sandwiched between the bed we sleep on and his toys stored in wooden trolley/shelf. I only have my work space on the study table between 9am-5pm on weekdays, no other personal space in the room for all other hours in the day, except for my side of the queen sized bed.

TnT 10

TnT 11

- Going the loo does make me a little nervous sometimes, especially when I forget to put down the lid for the toilet bowl, or when I discover that K has left some ‘skid marks’ in the toilet bowl or the sides of the bathtub, when he tries to climb over the bathtub to wash himself.

TnT 13

TnT 14

-  After I take my bath, I will scan the bathroom thoroughly to make sure that I pick up every strand of hair that I can spot on the floor or in the bathtub. I drop hair like crazy, so i have to ensure that I don’t have strands of hair all over the sink / floor of the bathroom.

Has this new arrangement been stressful? Initially.

How long will my family have to live here? I have no idea. Maybe things will change in the next 5-6 years. Well, if it doesn’t, I will be sharing a room with my teenage son.

Pondering over this things from a real but negative perspective sure doesn’t make me too joyful about the present state of the arrangements at home.

But It is really isn’t all bad when I choose to see a different perspective to my present situation.

Living in a room reminds me of my carefree days in university, where I rented a room and had to live with 5 other people in the same house. The only difference is that I now have my hb and our 5 year old staying in the room together and my landlady who lives in the same house as we do, is hb’s auntie.

Auntie A is a wonderful person to stay with, she is kind, considerate, loving and adores K to bits. So K now has an additional ‘grandma’. K loves her company and has been staying up late (even on weekdays) to want to wait for Auntie A and chat with her before she sleeps :)

TnT 3

We have another house mate that stays in the same house, a china-born lady who has been staying with Auntie A for close to 6 months. She works really long hours, or when she is not at work, stays in the room most of the time and hardly ever eats (I hardly ever see her eat). She is not exactly the neatest person, so the little ‘rules’ that Auntie A puts in the bathroom, ensures that the common areas are kept clean and pleasant for everyone in the house.

Auntie A is a cat lover, and the cardboard and recycled bedsheets that are placed on the sofa is for Pat the cat, to ensure it doesn’t destroy the upholstery on the coach. Pat is my companion in the day when I work at home, so it does not get lonely in the day.

TnT 16

There is a part time cleaner that comes weekly to clean up the common areas in the house, so the only housework I regularly do is to wash and iron hb, k’s and my clothes, cook once in a while, and keep our room clean and tidy. So really not having a whole house of my own is actually a good thing, considering I have been having domestic help since I was 12, and I don’t like doing household chores.

Even though I don’t own a house, have to stay with 2 other people (not part of my family unit) and have my family squeeze in a little room together. I still call this place my home.

I am so thankful that the 3 of us have a proper roof over our head, pay 40% less rental than the market rate and our home is located in a very convenient area in the east. There are plenty of amenities opposite to the estate, which includes cafes, restaurants, clinics, coffee shops, a supermarket and a convenience store. And it is just a stone’s throw away from Katong and Joo Chiat areas, so we never have to worry about not knowing where to go on the weekends whenever we want to eat out.

Besides, we get sea breezes from our room’s window anytime of the day and even get to see the sun rise in the mornings.

TnT 17

What does the future hold for my family? I really don’t know, and I probably can’t tell you when will I ever get a place that I will be able to call my own.

My family’s trial has given me plenty of opportunities to teach K, that it doesn’t matter that we don’t have our own house. We still have a home. What matters are that we are together as a family, will never stop supporting and loving one another, regardless of the circumstance.

Many of you may have experienced or are still experiencing various trials and tribulations that are likely be more dramatic, heartbreaking and challenging. How have these tnt changed or moulded you into the person you have become and what life lessons has it taught you along the way?

Do link up and share your TnT stories in your blog!

 



 

Share it:

Of Cheesy One Liners and Mr Right

Posted on by
12

Out came the cheesy one liner designed to impress, “Hi, You are Rachel right? I think you are very sweet.”

Girl looks up, ready to give a retort , i.e. “I don’t talk to strangers or my mom tells me not to talk to people with cheesy one liners.” Then she sees Boy, who thankfully, looked quite cute, with his flushed cheeks coupled with his shy smile. She thus decided to spare him the rejection, on account on him being the cutest guy who had approached her in school that year. After all, Girl was sick of cheesy one liners from guys who had built a thick skin after enduring countless rejections from other girls.

Mustering up her best deadpan expression, Girl waited for Boy to say the next thing. Boy then said “So how was was Comms paper, you must have aced it since you left the lecture theatre so early.” They then spent the next couple 10 minutes chatting, until she spotted her friends.

She can’t really recall if she gave him her number then but she recalled the familiar sight of him walking past her classroom purposefully each time she attended the weekly business comm lessons. The next time she met him was when she was babysitting her 3 year old brother in the school cafeteria, while her mum had to run some errands. He approached her to say hi, accompanied by two of his friends, who only made him seem like the more attractive catch, as his friends sprouted the usual cheesy remarks.

So you will know, that’s what they say.

Maybe that’s just nonsense from romance novels that will always describe that doe-eyed cliche about listening to your heart when you meet Mr Right for the first  time. Yeah right…at 17, your brain probably can’t be trusted to make a rational decision about Mr Right.

Well we went out eventually and I remember that the first date was a Michael Bolton concert. I sang along waving the light stick enthusiastically to “How am I supposed to live without you,’ the cheesiest song Bolton did of all time. But it was my first music concert so I guess I was swept away by the euphoria of live music.

After the concert, he brought me to a playground at Marina, where we spent the next 2 hours chatting. In a moment of spontaneity, I leaned close and I kissed him (gasp!) Just because I wanted to test if he was the one. Thanks to those same romance novels that I was so fond of reading at that time, I wanted to test what was written about how one will just know when your lips meet for the first time. Would sparks fly? Would heartbeat quicken? I just had to know. But Zilch, no sparks, no quickened heart beat after the kiss. On the way home in the cab he asked, “So I will see you again?” My response, “We will see about that.”

Well, I did go out with him again after that first date. I don’t know what made me go out with him again but I suspect it was because he was good company, interesting to chat with and had a great sense of humor.

Screen Shot 2012 09 25 at 2 42 34 AMOur date in Sentosa as a couple

But even after having gone out with him for a year, I still wasn’t sure if he was Mr. Exactly Right. As the years started to fly by, 3, 5, 7 years…the brain did what it usually does, over think things, make comparisons, along with all sorts of other nonsense…about the potential permanency of the relationship.

But I think the heart probably knew.

Screen Shot 2012 09 25 at 2 43 07 AMWedding 29th November 2004

So the romance novels are right after all, what is written about the heart. The heart ruled in the end and what the heart knows over time mattered so much more.

Till this day, he still thinks I kissed him on our first date because he was such a charmer….

mamawearpapashirt
Share it:

Photo *Heart* Fridays – Tender

Posted on by
9

Photo 2

Caught this tender moment between father and son one evening…

A good father is one who does not feel afraid to show his tender side to his son. Sons, not just daughters, often need that physical show of love and tenderness from their fathers, to give them the assurance that they are loved and treasured by their dads. How can a boy learn about strength and tenderness? I think the best way to learn is from his father.

 



Share it:

Guest Post – Our Children next time how?

Posted on by
11

This is the first guest post on my blog, and I have been hoping to get this person to break his silence on the blogosphere for some time.

It is none other than my dearest hubby, Keith. Keith has a knack for expressing situations alot better than I can, providing his personal insights.  As a couple, we share many similar views in bringing up children, here’s his take on education on bringing up Kyle.

“Now cannot study, next time drive taxi lor…” When these words escape our lips, they are often dismissed as a corny remark along with a spate of nervous laughter. That reaction, of course, is natural. Now, do not get the wrong idea, being a taxi driver is a perfectly honest way to make a living and I personally have 2 family members belonging to that profession. However, in the context of this post, which parent can claim to envision marshalling a taxi to be the eventually choice of making a living for their child?

Screen Shot 2012 05 28 at 11 56 20 AMPhoto from http://thecitizenobserver.wordpress.com/

“Mummy ~ Daddy, I score the highest in class!” Now, that is a statement we mentally envision our child saying one day, perhaps in front of audience consisting of family, friends or both, where we will then have an opportunity to avoid exploding with pride and exercise our self-control while we put on a straight face and respond modestly, probably mumbling  something along the lines of keeping it up and not getting too complacent  along the way….

Now come the questions I want to table. What are our expectations for our child? How successful do we envision helping our child to be? How do we plan on executing that vision? My personal opinion is strongly tied-in with an examination of this society we co-exist in, children are constantly being pressured to perform against an academic counter.

In the course of their schooling career, character building, health focus and mental balance (amongst other things) often play second fiddle to academic achievement. That is very understandable, after all, is it not untrue that getting a place in the primary school near home is no longer adequate. It is no longer just getting a place in school but also it is excruciatingly crucial to land a spot in a branded highly ranked primary school to give your child the best start in life possible. (not even going to start on the recent trend of branded pre and prep schools)

Img 1847052912

So,  does the success my wife and I envision for our son, Kyle, primarily involve only programming the ability to beat down the competition in school into him? It is of course the desire of this parent that I would prefer my child to be astute in all aspects of his life. Unfortunately, in reality, we humans, though top of our food chain, have our limitations too. Not everyone can be a genius, a savant or a MP…

As parents, we frequently ponder what we should emphasize more of, how we can teach and guide him more effectively to succeed in life. Should we consider tuition, home-schooling, etc? We worry about how Kyle will grow up to handle an increasingly challenging world out there? Will he be adequately equipped? Are we guiding him correctly? So many more questions arise.

We then realize that we need only look at our own day to day lives to find the answer. As we face our own challenges, some seemingly insurmountable, we find that as long as we trust in God, we can survive even the meanest of situations thrown at us. So as the teachers of our child, Rachel and I have a rather laid-back style of teaching Kyle, preferring more to encourage his knowledge and dependence on God.

So what if this non-academic approach backfires? Rachel and I often get opportunities to observe Kyle’s successes and failures.  There were times when we thanked God as he displayed intelligence, picking up pretty quickly on certain things, or the times when we exchange mortified looks as he struggled with basic homework (we have even discovered IQ tests being snuck in here and there). Unavoidably, we undoubtedly feel the apprehension that follows the realization that our child has his limitations in some areas.

However, compared to drilling Kyle academically, Rachel and I know that if we can instill in him trust God, he will then be much better equipped to manage difficult situations in his life down the road. As we concentrate on guiding his young walk with God, Rachel and I worry much less about how he stacks up against others in his age group but instead find joy in teaching him how to take his weaknesses and failures in his stride. Dependence on God and having a full spirit will counter any of the many bankruptcies life can throw at a person.

Img 1832052912

As Kyle grows too quickly day by day not unlike a mutant mushroom on steroids, we are fully aware that he may not end up being the next big thing. He may even have to struggle with the various challenges that life throws at him like other average Joes. But I think with emphasis on our walk with God as a family, the 3 of us will be alright.

So sometimes when the kiasu side of us surfaces and Rachel asks me what we can do about his struggles with certain academic aspects, I look at her and say: “Now cannot study, next time drive taxi lor!”

Share it:

When disagreements happen

Posted on by
18

Voices were raised, we argued due to differences in opinion, in the car on the way to lunch from church today.

K tried to lighten the situation in between by saying, “Mummy, can you stop a while and see this…”, I was too occupied with the heated situation to look at what he was referring to.

Hb and I both stewed in stony silence during lunch. I said a silent prayer, and things were resolved during lunch.

But the little one did not forget.

He drew this when we got home after lunch. Told me that he was busy and needed to do this before his nap.

Img 1859052012

He then gave this to hb.

I realized what we have done in the afternoon, and what impact it might have on a little one’s mind.

It does get hard to be a positive role model for my child all the time.

It’s probably time to tell him before bed-time today, “Remember this morning, when mummy and daddy were shouting at each other? We are sorry that you got a little upset hearing it, mummies and daddies sometimes don’t agree with one another. But even when they quarrel, they will still love one another, and we definitely still love you.”

It’s important to say things like that to him so that he knows that disagreements are normal in a relationship, and we have both made the effort to resolved it. But even more important that I meant every word I said.

So I gave hb a big hug this evening.

 

Share it:

A lot harder than I expected

Posted on by
10

I cried twice while reading this book aloud to Kyle.

Teaching Kyle the concept of death through picture books turned out to be a lot harder for me than I expected. I thought that it will manageable for the both of us to start with books illustrating the death of pets, but it proved out to be otherwise. 

This book gave a strikingly realistic and poignant picture of a child coping with the loss of a pet, and it just brought a plethora of memories, especially to the day that the family had to make a tough choice to put our family dog, Shawn to sleep. When I was midway reading the book to Kyle, I had flashbacks of the moment when my sister, dad, hb, mom, Kyle and I were huddled around Shawn, moments before he got the euthanasia shot from the vet. And the tears started flowing.

All I could say to Kyle when we finished reading the book was, "It‘s so sad…" Kyle was rather amused to see me cry while reading the book for the first time, and insisted that I read the book a second time that evening to see my response. I didn’t think that I would cry so easily the second time around, but I did. I told Kyle that it is ok to be sad when you miss someone.

I cried again while writing this post and reading this account again after 4 years, from my sisters now-defunct blog.

Kyle had little emotional attachment to Shawnie, as he was barely about 2 years old then. The only loss he has experienced so far is the death of one of his hamsters, Doh Doh, which he has little concern for. So he could not understand and found it rather amusing that, "Mommy cried after reading a picture book with me."

Death is a hard subject to broach, a lot harder than I expected. But I will still go ahead with helping Kyle learn about it, as it will not get any easier down the road if we ever have to experience a loss.

My extended family has since gotten a new dog, barely a few months after Shawn died, and we all love him dearly, but somehow it is not quite the same. Hb once said (after the loss of his extended family dog) that he will not want to have a dog ever in our nuclear family, as it will be too hard to experience the loss of a loved one every 14-15 years or so.

I will getting hold of this book Dog Heaven by Cynthian Rylant for myself the next time at the library.

 

In loving memory of Shawn

1994 – 2008

Share it:

Welcome 2012!

Posted on by
3

2012 will be my family's year of the Jubilee.

 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD,

“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

 

I hope 2012 will be a good one for you too. Happy New Year!

Share it:

Our Christmas

Posted on by
Reply

This year's Christmas was a little different.

It started with me totally not in the mood for merry-making, feasting or parties. And the ultimate mood dampener, was this; I found out about 2 years ago from WIKIPEDIA that December 25, wasn't even the actual day that Jesus was born, and the date and symbols used in Christmas (like the Christmas tree) all have pagan origins. Fabulous, All of that, together with the frantic consumerism during Christmas and don't get me started on Santa Claus…

So this year, there was no Christmas tree at home. Which I was rather pleased about anyhow. I used to enjoy putting up the tree and hanging up the ornaments, but hated taking down the tree. So I skipped the hassle and concentrated on the presents.

I thought this comic strip from Calvin & the Hobbes put it ever so aptly.

Christmas is really not about Christmas trees, mistle-toe, Santa Clauses, or even the presents.

However, we still practiced gift-giving during this season, as it is a way to show our love for our family and friends, to demonstrate our appreciation for them in our lives.

I am like the most boring gift giver ever when it comes to Christmas. Generally, I think getting gifts for friends or family is extremely hard. It was worse in the past when I was not able to do any handmades. It got easier getting gifts for the ladies in the gifting list, as almost all the ladies in the list got a handmade. The guys in my list got books, all except hb. There was no present for hb this year, and he did not get me a present either, as the both of us have the same attitude towards the consumerism of Christmas.

Traditionally with my extended family, we celebrate Christmas with a family dinner and gift exchange. Incidentally, Christmas eve is my mom's birthday, so Dec 24 becomes a 'double celebration' of sorts. 

For Kyle, it is an exciting time for him, Despite knowing about the significance of Jesus' birth during Christmas about 2000 years ago. He's like Calvin from 'Calvin and the Hobbes', it is still fundamentally about the presents.

Nonetheless, the more significant memories which I am sure he will always remember about Christmas time, are meeting with his friends (actually, mommy's friends' kids, who has also become his friends).

He thoroughly enjoys their company and talks about playing with them for the next couple of days. Which reminds me that gatherings like these should be organised more often, without needing any specific occasion for a reason to meet up.

What's still the same for us is that, Christmas is all about the love of God for humanity,

It is all about Jesus really. No matter what I think of the commercialism and paganism that surround this holiday season, we cannot deny the love of God that was demonstrated in His coming through Jesus. For we are the reason, that God from Heaven came and live on Earth so men from Earth can make the choice to have eternal life in Heaven.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son,

that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. – John 3:16

I am now thinking of a way to make Chinese New Year a bit different for the coming year. Seriously, I have never been a fan of festivities. Maybe I will just have to find somewhere soon where the 3 of us can 'disappear to'…

Share it:

Wake me up when December is over

Posted on by
1

November was a crazy month for me.

It definitely has to be the crazy crafting behind the fund raising effort that really topped the crazy experience for me. I was almost crafting day and night, only stopping for meals and toilet breaks, and grudgingly going out with hb when he asked indecision

I still will want to do this fund raising next year, but will surely have to plan the crafting schedule way in advance.

So then, what is the 'fruit of my labour'?

Felt Electronic wire holders + keychains (for smart phone users)

 

Felt Double pin badges

Felt pin badges

 

Felt pin brooches

Some of them are available in sets from http://handmadesforcharity.blogspot.com/

Do pop by to view the items for sale before they get sold out.

Amid all the craziness, 2 birthdays were celebrated in November; Nick's and hb's.

As for December, it's more crafting again. All the ladies in my gifting list are all getting handmades from me!! Now it's back to the drawing board for some ideas…

Share it:

Some of our favorite things

Posted on by
1

I realised this when converting my photos this morning; that I have not been taking photos of Kyle consistently for the last couple of months. It used to be that there will be new pictures at least every few days, and I realised that I have been a rather slack when it comes to taking photos for the last 6 months.

One of the best thing about this blog when I look back at my old posts have to be the past photos that I have taken of Kyle and the family. So this really reminds me that moving forward, I really need to be consistent in taking more photos, at least on a weekly basis. As Kyle is really growing up too fast before my eyes, and soon (sob sob) he will be out of his preschool years :(

We got to enjoy a couple of our favorite things this afternoon; sushi and sashimi for lunch! Kyle simply loves Tamago sushi and Chawanmushi, while I am a fan of Unagi Sushi and Sashimi. I would usually go for the cheaper option of Chirashi sushi don, which is bits of sashimi on top of a bed of sushi rice. Well, Japanese food is one of Kyle's and my favorite cuisine, not for hb though. But he is always a sweet and accomodating dad and hb to often go with what we feel like eating. I think these days, eating out is really expensive in Singapore. We had our lunch at Akashi at Orchard Hotel, and it cost us almost $90.00 for a 4 Tamago, 2 unagi sushi, a tini box of Chirashi Don and a Tonkatsu Pork cutlet set for hb! Overall, the Akashi experience is slighly overpriced for the so-so quality of Japanese cuisine that is equivalent to some of the other Japanese sushi chains. Have to eat out less often and improve on my cooking skills!

We went on to another of our favorite things to do as a family; foot massage!

Kyle is this foot massage junkie that loves getting a foot rub. Every night before he goes to bed, he will ask me for a couple of seconds of foot and back massage!

For an active child like Kyle, it is quite a feat for him to be able to stay still for 30 minutes while the therapist gives him a foot massage. For the next 1 hour, while waiting for hb and I to finish our massages, Kyle was quietly playing with his matchbox cars on the chair.

It was only after when I walked to the reception area that the receptionist told me that a certain caucasian lady who was seated on the left side of hb's chair complained about the noise that Kyle made. Kyle in fact was really quiet and compliant while waiting for us to finish our massage, he crashed his matchbox chairs together for less than 5 minutes, then when I told him to stop, he quietly played with his cars on his chair for the next half an hour.

Our post foot massage experience was shortlived when we heard about this other customer and her complaint. She was so irate to the point that she took the email addresses of the prioperter of this foot massage chain of shops to complain about her less than satisfactory experience here. Just too bad I did not get to hear about it from her and meet her, I would definitely not stay silent on this.

First of all, this massage premises have an open concept where chairs are laid side by side with only a wooden divider that can be used in between the chairs, so it is inevitable to hear noises from other patrons. In fact, each time when we visit their premises, we will always hear a patron who will be fast asleep in his/her chair, snoring really loudly and consistently throughout the next 30-60 minutes! Morever, there is no rule that children are no allowed in their premises, especially since Kyle was a patron in this instance. Also if she wanted exclusivity, she should have paid for a 'personalised and behind close doors' foot massage service and not a foot massage that cost $29 per half an hour, with patrons seated next to one another.

It is people like that, who give expatriates a bad name. The expectations that they have for that little amount of money that they spend are not reasonable. And besides, this really demonstrates a low tolerance of assimilating in another's culture. We learn to be tolerant and gracious of one another and noise in an open concept like this. If she demands total silence and peace, she should jolly well pay for that! I have to say this, what a cheap ang moh she is!

Arrgghh…this is just one of those days that a seemingly relaxed and quiet weekend afternoon is spoilt. Just had to rant a little in this space…

Share it: